the annoying stuff is the crap like telling me something important before he goes to sleep or walks out the door to get somewhere important. i never have time to respond except as a shot from the hip. of course, he also leaves saltine crumbs in the peanut butter and only eats the center stalks of a head of celery so the ones peeled from the outside are wasted often. still we start and stop pretty much in the same place. he is a nice fellow ordinarily... but i have trouble adjusting to some stuff.
the other day, he said as he went to bed, that our son is interested in staying at his college over the summer. this is purportedly so he can work more months of the off college season. now i freaked out.
and as it would happen, my husband thought that i was nuts. my problem is in the timing of these little game changers that require conversations. he had been mulling it over since the early morning hours.
he also buys cars and trucks without discussions or participating input from me. i get it. he does not want me to sway his thoughts. evidently, i am the game changer more often than not. i have more info on the subject to make an educated response to things. the only real difference in this ability to get more info, is that i ask a lot of questions. i probe. i posit different ideas and scenarios. i want to have as much info to make a reasonable stand that i can live with forever. i kind of do most things this way. once i have decided, i pretty much don't change my mind. UNLESS more info makes for a better solution.
my wheels rarely stop the grinding process. it is not as if i am intractable... i just want to settle into something i can live with. i really dislike living with regret.
so the boy wants to live in maine this summer. i was kind of het up about this. and then i had my epiphany. ok, i rationalized it. when i went to college, i went to school a semester later than my peers. this was awful and it was really hard. i just wanted to go to a really nice school far enough away from home to make a difference. my family life had been so chaotic and full of crap up til then, that it seemed a safe and enjoyable solution. i came home from college for exactly two summers after that. it was as awful as i remembered it to be and i was always a rather independent critter. so graham will be on the cusp of being 20 yrs. old. i have NO idea why i am mentally keeping him at home with us. he is a total know-it-all and yet he knows so little. i have done my very best up til now and it was in my own opinion, pretty good. i only have my own experiences to rely on. so it is clearly all relative... (no pun intended).
i think he can be fine on his own, yet there has been so much expectation that i am bound to balk, that neither the ole dh nor my son wants to discuss it with me.
i might add that it is harder than usual to do, since i have a horrid case of laryngitis.
now this is along with my daughter working on her first co-op... timing-wise. she is traveling back and forth from Boston to New York City. she is so unbelievably happy with this new turn of events. most of her work will be accomplished in boston as she lives with her suite-mates and roommate. as things go, her partnered co-worker also hired through a series of interviews by the same people, is also her actual roommate. killer huh? so funny. she also has been working in food service for almost 2 yrs. at the same place. she has transferred back and forth from the providence and boston stores each time she needed to change her living/school placement. i am unsure if she is coming home this summer to live here with us again. just when i almost got her to being a real live human gal. head smack.
so like i said, i am not one who rolls with the punches easily enough. i truly wish i could be more willing to let go. it just seems unfair that i do all this heavy lifting for so very long... and now i am saddled with a betta fish. none of the kids i labored over intensely and now i got the stupid hand-me-down fish instead. the one that graham brought home from college and left me with in sept.
how freaky is it that the fish is also named graham? gosh life is just too crazy for me to roll around with right now. maybe in another day i will be 100% confident of these changes.
after graham gets his health insurance instated as a citizen of maine.
and he gets a new driver's license through the state.
so perhaps if he gets his shit together i may be more relaxed.
as for the stuff that i am truly excited about, i have some fresh ideas for my 'new' line of jewels. not that it is totally "brand freaking new" but it is stuff that is changing as my own interests evolve. i plan on several new approaches and styles... but i also have been making some nice new statement necklaces.
it has been a really nice respite from what i was doing just before the holidays... since i was on a small hamster wheel those days. making things i KNEW should sell. now i am honing those items into seasonally appropriate palettes and styles.
bright resolve
sentiments for kasey
spring fields
istanbul
granted, they may seem a little formulaic, but i had a great time putting them together. it is so much of what i would make more time to do before the holidays hit the fan. now i am going to keep making stuff like these as my new year's resolution.
anyways, thought i would babble on a smidge. i needed to get some stuff out of my head.
xxoo.
w.
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