Monday, July 30, 2012

odometer check...

Yesterday it was my birthday
I hung one more year on the line
I should be depressed
My life's a mess
But I'm having a good time

so often, people sing happy birthday in that ever present way that the iconic song regales millions with. 
me, i am a little different. no i do not sing the Beatles version of  their birthday song either. although i have had the joy of hearing it or trying to sing it many times before. my fave lyric is the one from paul simon..." Yesterday it was my birthday... i hung one more year on the line."

somehow, i enjoy this day after celebration internally more than i do the outer hoopla one. 
i know, i represent the lion, lioness and her cubs as a full on member of the LEO birthday club. i just like to be a little bit um, behind the scenery with it all. most who know me, are sufferers, enjoyers, marvellors, appreciators, contributors, humorers, supporters, and other -er/-ors of one kind or another around my admittedly large personality. inwardly, i am more of a shy person. can you believe that? well, every interaction is a step out of my shell.  just because i practice all the time does not make this secret of mine untrue. 

the excitement about my birthday is an acme of attention. i tend to be overly nervous about its impending arrival, endure the day and celebrate the day after, when my odometer has kicked over once again.  i am most nervous about how its celebration is going to be played out. every damn time. and who might you think makes me so nervous? my own family. 
just to clarify, my husband, kids and dog rock the casbah. they 'get' me pretty well.  i cannot emphasize how much i appreciate this. i also am touched so very deeply by the many emails and lovely facebook friends i have cultivated from internet introductions as well as real live honest to god people i know, love and admire. 

so what is it that makes this shift of gears so impressively unpredictable? my own family that i grew up with. they are the oddest people i may ever know.  i am grateful that i had them as instructors in life.  it is the opportunity to flee that nest and survive without support from them, that allows me to be open to a lot of other interests and people. 
they never got me... or if they did, they did not like what i had to offer. i am now and have always been the black sheep of my family {or am i the lone white sheep?}.  it is sad as hell to say or think  this every time i do so. yet it is a constant in my experiences. just like the forces of gravity and sunrising in the east,  i can count on their disappointing me. it is too bad, because, i am feeling like i have a great amount to offer and a considerate heart to share it with.  all this in stride, it makes having the families that i have been lucky to have collated and  collected over my life so very much dearer to me. 
in case you were unaware of how much my friends mean to me... i am utterly indebted to them for the many lessons and the love that they have shared with me.  its value is inestimable. 

so to my mom, my stepfather, my father, my brothers, my half sister, half brother, nieces and nephews, i thank you for the lessons. i am grateful that you instructed me that i could find a lot of real people that are so much more for so much less... and i share with you the love that i have. someday, i hope you are able to unlock your crazy, find what you think is missing  and enjoy good luck trying to figure that all out. 
 "I should be depressed
My life's a mess
But I'm having a good time"!

thank you's all around to my sweet real bunch of coconuts... chris for taking me to and from my SOWA show yesterday... and being the peach of a guy i married... 28 yrs ago...
hal, for saying about 4hundred bazillion times, Happy Birthday and Have a good day! in your chronically cheerful way. 
graham for sending me a text and saying how sorry you were for forgetting my birthday, then proving it by trying to make an angel food cake in a boondt pan. 
tess for just being her wiseass self and making me watch the olympics... which were so worth watching. 
and the dog for his faithful and continuing shedding everywhere. (he is purportedly a non-shedding breed of pedigreed mutt!).

truly, i had a great day! i made some moolarooni at the show. AND heard from gabillions of really beloved what could be better?
not much. 


things i made and sold this week, in no particular order. 
when life hands you lemons...make some lemonade.

{spoken for}

lightly updated
{spoken for}


fresh earrings: 


fresh BuBBleMaNiA necklace

fresh BuBBleMaNiA bracelets

a cuff...

and some PEACE, LOVE, Dove, and Flora

byPaul Simon:

Yesterday it was my birthday
I hung one more year on the line
I should be depressed
My life's a mess
But I'm having a good time

I've been loving and loving
And loving
I'm exhausted from loving so well
I should go to bed
But a voice in my head
Says "Ah, what the hell"

Have a good time

Paranoia strikes deep in the heartland
But I think it's all overdone
Exaggerating this and exaggerating that
They don't have no fun

I don't believe what I read in the papers
They're just out to capture my dime
I ain't worrying
And I ain't scurrying
I'm having a good time

Have a good time

Maybe I'm laughing my way to disaster
Maybe my race has been run
Maybe I'm blind
To the fate of mankind
But what can be done?

So God bless the goods we was given
And God bless the U.S. of A.
And God bless our standard of livin'
Let's keep it that way
And we'll all have a good time

Have a good time

Wednesday, July 18, 2012


i started this in november. it was developed from a nice sketch from a chef in malaysia. we had worked on something in the past... i was excited. then the holiday season hit. work was no longer possible to make this complete while it was madness for the end of the year marathon.

after taking months off, i dug out all the components again. i reviewed the notes and emails that led me to this point. i took nearly the whole thing apart to start more freshly... and to my client's liking. since time had passed, i wasn't as invested in the beginning piece as much anymore. now i wanted to make it so it worked for her and the dreams she sketched and wrote about.

here is the original sketch 

and the materials list

so i went at it as directed.
i culled vintage black flowers and some of my best flea market scored copper flowers.
i painted loads of components black.
i mixed and matched combinations of black and copper in matte and shiny finishes.
i riveted oodles of these together.
i dug through many boxes to find the black plastic beads to use as infill and tapering crystals and hopefully not add too much weight.
i added and subracted.
i multiplied and divided.
i moved and removed.
i primped and fussed.
i added rhinestone swarovski centers.
i made lotsandlotsandlots of little flowers and beads to place on the neck, or fill in between the larger flowers.

it was all for a cause.
the dream is to wear a black sexy dress. it is open from its neckline all the way to the belly button.
a J.Lo kind of expression.
surely there will be gobs of double-stick tape involved.
also there will be this very labor intensive construction of black colored and raw, unsealed copper flowers. within its structure there are many moving beads... tapered, faceted, round, matte, ovoid, crystal, etc.
this combination of elements will distract or cover the negative space of the dress. that outside of the lines to be colored in.
the area to the body of the dripping floral matt, is to be three inches wide.
it is to drop down in a full on 49 cm pitch.
i know i am mixing my metaphors. it is late and i am not all there right now.

so the journey started:

this is a progress point... the one where i stopped for the holidays. 
and i really like the unfinished version greatly. 

later i rebooted things. 
then after my hiatus was over, i went back and restarted the placement of the flowers.
i groaned all the way. i kept saying it served me right not to take things more seriously from the beginning.

i checked to see if i was on the right track. 
lucky for me, i was... but still needed to add little blooms at the neckline too. 
so i went back to the well and made floral charms for 3 days more. 

now it is time to add some of the gazillion flowers and beady infill items.

and post to facebook. 
for some sadly desired hand holding. 
this has been quite an outpouring of effort, time and materials. 

hoping that this makes the delightful izzy happy. 

time to say good night to this project and my own bleary eyed day. 


Monday, July 16, 2012

bound to happen

recently, i have felt stuck in a bunch of ways.
health issues, money crap and all kinds of revelations.

i have tried a lot of different things to get a better financial result. one realization that came through is that i can't do everything. i already knew this, but trying to outwit reality, just makes me do cruddy work. something's gotta give. many experiments have identified my need to eliminate some things that didn't work for me.

i have rushed to make 31.5% of retail sales and be in the position of replacing past season's customized unsold stock or rebuilding broken pieces. this was a good lesson to learn. do not rush. one can only do what one can do.  better raw materials make for  better creations with oodles of patience  required.
it is hard to remember that without  personal reminders.

somethings i did not want to do for reasons of vanity, are back in the to-do line-up.  i kicked them to the curb because i had no sense of balance.  i need better balance. i should be a lot happier than i have been this year. lots of changes have been made and more are to come. it is all about the parts to the formula and getting it smoother. 

it was another experiment to try to finish a necklace that a lovely customer and i started work  on last autumn. the holiday season and assorted other distractions pushed me to put it aside. there are a few other little details to attend to today and it will be completed.  the chain at the neck needs a little love still.

also, it is that time of year where i can think of swimming in blue water with a solid tan happening.
my own little blue lagoon erupted from components hoarded within my ali baba-esque living room.

these are the kind of photos you get when you fling the necklace onto your mannequin as you are screaming out the door to go to a show at 6 in the morning. 
i may re-take them... 
the necklace deserves better. 

i have always thought of my dna as thoroughbred stock. this week it came through like the champion i considered it. i am now participating in the diabetes rodeo. yep. newly diagnosed today for certain.
i am bereft. of course, it was just a matter of time. i have gut weight, and too much to do me or any 10 other folks any good. who knows what my family history holds... since nobody will ever or has ever told the truth about any painful or personal issue. they all espouse crap and with great authority too. nobody ever wants to deal with what the truth of any matter is, unless of course it can be blamed on someone else. i am sorry about this. surely i have done exactly this same thing...self awareness is one thing, but lashing out is another.  i am exhausted having spent an hour with my nice doctor. she is a peach and has been warming to me over this past year.

i can't believe how long i have been hiding out from this diagnosis. it was as if i was to blame exclusively in my habits and food choices. lucky for me, dr. sweetie, told me that i could give up feeling crappy and responsible for all of the issues that made this disease a reality. thank you so much. a weight has been lifted from my shoulders.

of the things i tried to relinquish on the way to regaining a flatter front profile, was my diet coke habit.  i recognize that it is not too good for me, but i really miss drinking it. lucky for me, it is now deemed ok. so i think i have been given 3 really good things today. in spite of my breaking into tears every few minutes (so, i am a drama queen... you gonna make something of that?).

1. diet coke is BACK baby. i am happy as shit about that. hook me up!
2. this diagnosis was coming my way sometime. it's inevitability was a guaranteed event.  gratefully i see it was not a whole lot sooner. it also is not completely my fault. mother nature and my forbears' dna were deeply contributing factors. this assuages my mount everest heap of guilt.
3. if i can believe my husband... he said something really nice to me today in regard to all this life changing, hand wringing, moaning and whining information. he said, he was sure i could get all this under control, cause when something comes up, that is what i do. i do what needs to be done.
sheesh... i could have kissed him on the lips and everything. really nice. thank you eddie. (his name is really chris btw).

also, want to say, i have wanted to wear nicer clothes for decades now. it is a benefit of things happening and forcing a physical change. i feel a beautiful couple of leather belts in my future with huge buckles made by my friends to be on the i "deserve this"list. why not bejewel my waistline, once it returns home?
i want to wear skirts and blouses without an "x" in the sizing label. nice detailing in my wardrobe and pretty fabrics. pleats... formerly resigned to those who have some room for those potentially visually enlarging details will be returned to my clotheshorsey dreams.
good thing i have been stockpiling images on pinterest of things i want to wear. i also promise to buy a very expensive pair of cowboy boots for myself, should i achieve this weight loss persona that i am now resigned to achieving.

while this metamorphosis is in play... i shall be trying to overcome my recent limited building of larger statement necklaces. i deserve to dream of them and see how closely i can come to making those more real as well.

it days until i  turn over my personal odometer for another year. i think i ought to just go for some of the more fun things in my life... and take better care to do only that. the fantasy that i could make folks DO what i want, is just that. it is nowhere's near a functional reality. i need to build on some of the successes that have gotten me here already. not more of the edward gorey fainting lady that i portray in my mind some days.

time to do more, live more, dress up more, and just more of more.

time to either nap or take my kid to do some errands... i am fantasizing of a kiddie pool for my pupsicle.


Thursday, July 12, 2012

opposites are attractive.

i met a most smashing woman through my business ventures. 
she contacted me. 
not at all sure how she found me, but i couldn't be happier that she did. 
we spent a little time back and forth on the internet in conversations. 
it yielded a very opulent necklace that she had in mind. 
i now know what she has in her mind's eye is not only very specific, but also very beautiful. 
i am filled with gratitude that she has allowed me to attempt to execute her ideas
using my hands and personal skills and materials. 
the blending of our two systems is quite wonderful. 

she is a chef. 
her work is sublime. 
a dream she holds, is of achieving her first michelin star... soon. 
i am sure that it is merely a stepping stone to her other dreams. 

here is a photo of one of her desert pieces. 
it is a pakastani mango pavlova. 

forgive me everyone, i took isadora's photo of it and transferred it here. 
it is really food porn of the highest degree. 
it is lovely looking in its original photo form albeit dark. now it looks singed...
my apologies.
i just wanted to show you what she is a creator of in her own world. 

the original necklace was a confabulation of golden and pearly items. 
also some creamy white, black and vintage whites. 
it came out like this... 

and wound up looking like this for one of her magazine ads. 

now we are working on an opposite kind of necklace. one that is as black and copper 
as this is pearly, creamy and golden. 

it is always good to manipulate beautiful things to try to get an artful expression 
that is up to the task of shining just a smidge more with its components reconstructed. 
at least that is my goal. 

then there is this...
a black confection that is underway. 

this is good so far, but not as the eye of its designer sees it. 
so its flowers have been replanted and otherwise configured. 
the dream is to be more faithful to its owner's vision. 
that requires more thought
with greater experimentation. 

wishing myself luck on this... and perhaps a fresher sense of balance. 
gotta give it a fresh pass.
so after a few days of painting, planning, organizing,
unpinning, re-pinning,
editing and repurposing,
a fresh layout looked like this.

most things of a brassy nature were removed.
i had no idea that things would look ok.
i thought it was too monolithic.
of course, i was rueful.
the lack of brassy bits to pop some third color around
made it seem very flat and lacking in depth.

it was what isadora wanted though.
if i am nothing else, i am pretty interested in compliance.

i like making folks happy with their jewelry.
it isn't always easy.

the last photo pass of the necklace on a form yielded this result.
it is pretty good to my eye and any failure of depth for the piece went away
the second i added some Swarovski Jet Rhinestones.
do not ever underestimate the transformative value of bling in the right place at the right time.

nor should a quick pic on a contrasting background be devalued.
recently my husband suggested that i should be using black velvet to display my goods.
i feel much more honest with the use of chippy, scratched up, whitish wooden background for photos.
luckily, my house and props are in just that state of deshabille.
i might cry if someone goes to repair the look of some things around her.

as i go to the kitchen to clean and clear our dinner platitudes...
i offer you some of my work to be evaluated.
something like that of course....

now time for
a little goddessry of womanly efforts.
dishes need to be laundered for the morning as everyone here takes it.
with or without cream.


Sunday, July 8, 2012

chucking it all.

i have a little problem. 
loads of little things everywhere. 
and as they seem to coalesce, they grow into ugly big things. 
its like that episode of STARTREK:
the trouble with tribbles. 

first you have one little tribble and it is cute as all heck. 
then it reproduces and a population explosion is off and running. 
 soon, every little corner is overrun with tribbles. 
and jump rings, 
single bad earrings, 
and dog hair with dust intertwined in it. 

is is a problem. 

by the time i get around to dealing with it, 
i fantasize along the same lines as my mr. does. 
the idea of a small dumpster in the driveway starts to look very appealing. 
of course, the more of the stuff i sort through and send to the dumpster, or trash bins, 
is better. 

so i tossed a huge bag of crap and dog hair and dust out tonight. 
it was the tip of the iceberg. 
i also went through our collection of a gazillion video-cassettes. 
they are to be taken to the library. 
this could mean whenever...
i probably will be a while, since there has been a small car crisis brewing. 

during the last winter, we had a small snow accumulation that let to a 
very white pile of snow for about 15 minutes. 
this blanket covered our driveway with a pretty and pristine blanketing of whiteness. 
i was backing into the driveway less well than i should have . 
end result of said effort was that i caught the underside of my car's fender on a 
stump waiting to be ground out as removal. 
i wound up ripping the structural underpinning of that rear part of my car
so that the fender now dangles on that side... and it does dangle freely. 
this has made all kinds of driving, a new challenge. 

there was also a wet spot on the floor of the driver's interior. 
i was asked if i had poured water onto the floor. 
not really. 
now i have a fat weird wet spot. 
turns out that liquid is a little oily and in being of that disposition, i was able to not take the blame for it. 
it is a several hundred dollar repair... 
one that is not in my future i fear. 

Monday, July 2, 2012

what's new pussycat?

i admit up front, i am a big fan of facebook. 
somehow you either like facebook or you don't.
my husband is challenged in many ways. 
this list is long and incomprehensible. 
topping that list is use of a computer. 
in a secondary position, is the understanding of social networking
and its power. 
like i said, you either get it or you don't. 

i am challenged by the idea of what could be the best way to get myself and 
my jewelry 'out there'. 
one of the many, many efforts in this past year or so, has been to do some craft shows. 
they are really hard work for me. 
not that other folks don't work really hard at them too, or feel frustrated by them,
 but i take too much of it so personally. 
honestly, i do know that i shouldn't do that.
it is so obvious that i should let it go,
like the ole hippie i am.
it isn't easy enough to do.
it is part of the radish in me. 

what the heck does that mean?
my mother used to call me a radish. 
i would ask her, but i am really afraid of what she meant.
 the only answer ever i ever got,
was that she found me to be 
someone who put down a root where i was planted.

it was not one of those flimsy, delicate ones that could be yanked from the soil. 
nope. it was a fat spicy subterranean one. 
one that had to be pulled when it was fully ripe and tasty. 
at least that was what i thought she meant. 
ok, i mean that i hope she meant that. 

i like to think of myself as a homebody. 
not as invested as an agoraphobic, but definitely one who enjoys my own comforts. 
part of that comfort is being amid a lot of my own surroundings. 
when i get into a cleaning mode
(less and less frequently as time passes)
i enjoy making vignettes. 
my crap has a purpose i tell ya!

these days, i feel a large amount of pressure to corral some of the crap better. 
apparently, my overflowing messiness is responsible for my kids' lack of guest visitors. 
{my cfo suggested that recently and in highly indelicate terms. }
of course, i would love to do a house party here  a couple of times a year. 
he objects to this, since he is sure that things will take flight 
people will see where we live. 
i think he is nuts. 
i know all the folks i would invite to a house party. 
it would also give me a fantastic reason to clean this place up especially well.

i must bargain with my son, 18 in every imaginable way to help me go to craft shows. 
he wants to have a girlfriend, a nice car, country western music to croak along with, 
a solid and predictable paycheck, a hot car, limitless gadgets, and great kicks,
if i promise a meal in exchange for his help, it ought to be more than enough. 
i do plan to pay for some of his tuition,
as well as the braces that have been off of his teeth for a bit. 
also his sister's tuition and her vacated braces take a chunk of my income. 
and the sundry things like internet service, food, pool fees, dog kibble 
and my own crap{supplies}. 
so i use his skills to help me with shows. 
i am too lazy i suggest. 
or else i have become a lot more frightened of the failure aspect. 
either way... 
i have been trying to do them this year.
also he is a lot stronger than i am and can lug stuff with less repercussions. 

it is a personal struggle. 
a huge need to keep developing as an artist, a display creator, a fabricator, 
a business person, a roadie and a mom. 
a lot is expected from one measly day's efforts. 
and really that is a lot of pressure to try to deal with. 
if there were not so many people in this asylum, 
i think i might get more done. 
but perhaps already, too much is getting done... and the results are therefore diluted?
it is hard to say. 
yesterday, graham and i went to the greenway open market. 
it is on the rose kennedy greenway in boston. 
the tall ships were in port as well as many seamen from the navy. 
it was supposed to be a kick ass day at the show. 
this is a weekly recurring show that is held every saturday from late may til october.

it was 93 degrees out at 4pm. 
we had been there since 7:40 am. 
it was flipping HOT out. 
so hot, that folks just walked by all the tents lined up and they just kept moving. 

i would have done that too in their shoes.
the delicate balance of movement, speed and need for air conditioning 
would have made need for things to be as economical and efficient as possible. 
there was a small flurry of sales around 3:30
and then nada. 
my day was made, at the last moment, selling a co-vendor pal of mine a bracelet she had coveted.

it is not easy to plan, fill inventory, beg a teenaged son to come with, sleep, 
get all the details organized, set up and break down the temporary digs 
and drive home (safely).
and many many of my friends do this task rotation every weekend. 
many of them come from neighboring states to participate. 
all of us have other things we could be doing... 
such as hanging with our families, 
going to the beach, 
taking boat rides with friends, 
hitting the links, 
hitting the flea markets, 
hitting the trashy novels
visiting the tall ships ourselves....
or any other complement of fun things normal people do. 

my more intrepid friends, do this whole dance both saturdays AND all over again on sundays. 
weenie that i am. 
and you will hear that i wimped out on doing two day shows per weekend. 
for one time only, i did the right thing. 
tremendous rains and thunderstorms hit the boston area today. 
i feel awful bitching about working in the heat yesterday. 
there was not only heat,
 but dangerous weather to follow it during the sunday half of the show weekend. 

my congratulations to all who sold and got out unfettered. 
you are my heroes. 
i wish  that i had the stones to do better in these moments. 
but shows are quirky. 
no two are alike. 
sometimes you do well and sometimes you don't.
and the lazy radish is not good under any adversity. 

as for my upcoming plans? 
i will again be at the greenway next saturday. 
something has got to give. 
and i sure as hell hope it isn't me.
i think that i am going to subscribe to the theory:
the third time is the charm.  

here is what my little tent looked like yesterday. 

table on the right

table on the left

people watching was as fun as any other day, 
but today someone was blowing up balloons for children somewhere nearby. 

a little boy strolling in his carriage carried this rather large balloon straight out in front, 
as a huge penis along his route. 
when i snapped his pic in passing, he had moved it. 
i was super amused as i watched. 
my son giggled too. 
it is the little things in life that amuse me... 

my next tent over pal,
erica walker
helped me out and modeled this pink confection of pearls and beads. 
at the end of a long day, she looked fresh. 
i have NO idea how she did it, but i was appreciative of her help. 

as for other random moments in this day, 
my son moved into my friend trish's space to hang with her. 
it did not hurt one whit that her beauty of a daughter was along for the day too. 
of course caroline came to watch my tent as i came over to gab with trish.
everyone needs a little break. 

here is miss caro 
helping the bendywho cause. 

and here is a sweet customer that took her time selecting the right pair of earrings. 
i think she made them look extra good. 

finally, since i have prattled on for too long... 
here is a close-up of a smattering of many little doodads all together
for show and tell.

next time i may regale you with some of the new earrings i made. 
they are pretty fun, if i do say so myself. 
as a tease, this is one of those pairs. 

i am thinking of sending to someone
 who is having a really crap time of things these days. 
i think she needs a little pick-me-up...

now is a good time to let  weekendy things go ...
tomorrow holds fresh challenges. 
15 of my youngest daughter's friends from her lacrosse team
are invited to come here and tie-dye their high school team shirts. 
we have dye, but no rubber bands, gloves, buckets, etc. 
we do have a fence that i want to hang them all on. 
i suppose there may be some pizza too... 
gotta feed the gals... 
and maybe my son will see some of his old feminine pals from high school too. 

oh it is always busy in this hive i call home. 


best ring tone choice ever

today after days of fighting with my husband... 
cause talking is not satisfying enough, 
he apologized. 

he said to me: 
"i am sorry i have been such an asshole recently. "

i want this as my ringtone on my phone. 

i haven't been this exasperated in years. 
glad we made some headway. 
most of the happier women i know are single. 
needless to say, it is an option. 
just do not want to take it. 

so i enjoyed fantasizing about what crap i could throw out from the house. 
one of the big complaints is that there is too much stuff in this crackerbox. 
it is legitimate as complaints go. 
so i am willing to take a fresh stab at it. 
also, with more space available, i think i can get smarter. 
more oxygen to the brain will help this dream. 

in the mean time, i am making a fresh necklace. 
photos in the daylight will surely describe it better. 
it is one of my oldest and dearest styles. 
it has been made in so very many combinations that i should have numbered them 
to show the versatility of the style. 
here it is in multiple shapes, sizes, colorways and materials. 

i wonder if i even have one anymore. 
i sell them straight off of my neck often enough. 

well off to the pliers and fantasizing about my fresh ringtone. 
i bet everyone wishes they could have their husband actually apologize and 
be reasonable in their complaints. 

one ringy dingy,,, two ringy dingies....