Sunday, April 17, 2011

differences between women and men.

i am way too busy. perhaps too busy is inaccurate. i like surfing the web and fiddling with my jewelry ideas. loads of stuff is out there to poke my nose into. gosh, there is so much that i want to know about....
how could i make stuff that i don't use or need?
OR what technique is used as it goes together?
OR what it could taste like?
OR can i find that pair of shoes i had in high school that i have always wanted to re-buy?
there are just too many things i want to find or find out about.

still i need to function ... i have a family. they require time and attention. they are very vocal if not cared for in the style that they feel is due. needless to say, my needs fall by the wayside often. this is perhaps timely and part of everyone else's agenda since appropriate stages of life have been arrived at.

my family is now composed of 3 teenaged people, a very sweet dog and a husband. one might think that it was ok, (much less stressful) here now that one child is at college. this makes it two of the kids against two of the adults. the ZONE defense as some call it. the dog's loyalty will be tested easily, as he will go to anyone with a dog cookie. if no cookies are available... he generally comes my way. just the way i like it. it continues to keep the idea that i am in charge on everyone's mind.
it is all a lie.
don't be fooled by this.

my husband is like a geriatric and a teenager at the same time. it is a misery. he is cranky a lot... and i know why. he thinks i am supposed to fill the gas tank for my car. let me assure you, i am not going anywhere ever. i travel now to pick kids up from school or get groceries or stuff at the pharmacy. these are all very local. he uses the car to travel to the hockey rinks that he is playing at or to ones where one/both of the kids is/are playing at. if i am not doing the driving, i don't feel as if i ought to be replacing all of the gas (it is a hair away from $4.00/gallon now... by summer it is expected to be $5/gal. YIKES!!!).
yet, last week, i replaced it four times. granted i did not put much in each time, but that is irrelevant.its value kept de-escalating daily. also, i did not travel an hour to skate. really, i am so mundane. i just pick kids up to bring home or to feed them. it is constant that feeding too. so i am a manageress of ridiculous need in the form of human or automotive fuel.
when asked about why husband doesn't replace the gas in my car that i am not using, he says, he puts $30 a day in his guzzlebeast truck. seriously? if you are willing to pay for your work transpo, why not your leisure too? generally, my car is better on the mileage, so it is preferred as the higher use vehicle. if i can use the truck for my minor needs when they arise, i am ok.
it sure would be a slap if i am being just too entitled about all of this.
i fear that not replacing off-season hockey travel fuel is considered a horrible household crime. this seems to mimic a cliched life with a highly inconsiderate teen . one who went joy-riding and brought home a dented car with no gas. the kind of kid who ruins it for all the other responsible parent-fearing, consequence-acknowleging teens in the world. one who gives all those responsible teens out there a bad name.

now i realize i am speaking harshly, but i have been to the food market three times this week and feel another trip coming on again tomorrow to ready myself for the Spring holiday season. you know, where family and friends gather round to revisit the sins against mankind and to hopefully put the natural/man-made elements to rest(take that! rotten tornadoes and tsunamis and nuclear plant meltdowns...). well there are vermin and loads of things i could do without ever again(vermin top that list btw). seemingly,my address rests in a locust heartland.
not a day goes by when a huge bag of pretzels or chips is not mowed down, a tub of hummus disappears as if a straw was inserted and its very presence was eradicated magically. no way can a chicken feed us as well as it once did. ( i am relegated to the wings since the upper two teens eat only white meat, and the lower two teens snarfle the dark meaty thighs and drumsticks). everyone has their part to content their tummies with.
it is ok... all of this is just part of living with hungry people. again, i can rally and deal with this.

what i really object to is that there are such different ways for folks to express sure would be swell if i could do it without offending anyone. truly, i am not saying anything to be mean here, but i do find that the issues i am offended by most, align themselves along a gender bias.
i cut my hair this week.
i cut about 5-6 inches of it off the bottom. i did it in the bathroom and cleared up all the hairy remains. it never looked like i was over the sink trimming fuzzy bits away. it shocks me that my little girl noticed within 5 minutes of seeing me. (she had spent the night sleeping over at a friend's house). when i went to reclaim her, she asked what i had done and where. needless to say, she knows what a homebody i am and how unlikely it may be for me to make a hairdresser's appointment. i have a hard enough time getting to a doctor's office and let's not even start mentioning the dentist. i am likely to take the boy to the dentist's three times in a week, every 6 months. yet i cannot get to my own needs as efficiently.
and so it goes again. full circle. back to my needs... and my failing to meet them properly.
now the reason i started on this whine-a-thon, was that after two days of my wearing my hair down, neither the boy nor his father, the fist shaking antique with gas guzzling issues have noticed that i cut my hair.

the boy goes to get his own fuzziness managed every 14-21 days. he is relentless about its maintenance and his own 'look'. the hubby has only 3 hairs like homer simpson... and needs those gorgeous flowing locks to be snipped every month and a half or so. why is it that they are so persnickety about how they look to the ladies (using my low sexy mocking tone here ala "chef "from "south park" aka Isaac Hayes). i have recently felt more affinity with a footstool than the source and vessel of life that i really have been. when are they gonna look up and notice that i am sitting here, waiting to get free of the hope that they will glance my way and NOTICE my slight, yet diabolically important change? i got my hair cut for the first time in over three years.
keeping a low profile with this crowd is a lot more work than i ever thought it might be. at least since it is a zone defense, my younger daughter has my back. we are bonding over the fact that pere et fils are numb.

my eyes are crossing with fatigue and hopelessness. the siege may continue another day. i guess i should prep myself for it.
bring on the familial locusts and the men with blinders on. i sure will survive their ignorance cause there will be freshly HOME- baked flourless almond chocolate cake and mixed macaroons in the house.
{thinking along the lines of lemon, almond and chocolate this year!}
take that men of my house!!!

nighty night.

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