Friday, May 27, 2011

steve miller is the joker...

steve miller band had a song,the joker, that stated several things that his character was... 
Cause I'm a picker
I'm a grinner
I'm a lover
And I'm a sinner
I play my music in the sun

I'm a joker
I'm a smoker
I'm a midnight toker
I get my lovin on the run
Wooo wooooo

i feel a kinship with this.  i too have tragically mixed qualities to my personality. 
i drive a condemned day care center. the inside panel on the left rear door is off the door...
 and it looks like a rube goldberg project.
or maybe leftovers from an abandoned auto shop class project. 
the steering wheel turns sometimes, when it is very cold out, only when two people pull on it. 
(when it is well below freezing and in tight quarters at a total standstill).
but my sweet little beast-mobile, gets me around... 
and its trunk is surprisingly 
generously proportioned. 

i am mother to three teenaged children. 
when they were in the 5 and below age bracket, 
and threw a temper tantrum
(it only happened once... i am very scary)
i laughed so hard. 
my son, who was the villain in this little drama, was told when i swept the tears from my eyes...
that he would be a teen some day. 
his turn would come. 
and here it is. 
i  stop on a dime to examine trash on the side of the road. 
it mortifies him. 
the girls just laugh. 

i picked him up from school yesterday. 
after getting the girls. 
i found that dime on the side of the road to stop on. 
there was a sodden chair sparkling at me like a diamond in the rough. 
it winked at me through its despicably and dangerously yucky cushion. 
i looked through all of its negatives. 
i briefly flipped her upside down to see its nether regions. 
there was very sound construction. 
springs... the old fashioned round kind. not Z-springs. 
a burlap sheathing over the tied springs. 
on top of that were layers of what i suspect is horsehair. 
if not, i will survive. 
the top and more cosmetic part is a solid, non-wobbly wooden frame. 
it has an almost barrel shaped upper, with arms to rest other arms  upon. 
the legs are sexy as hell and are curved with little carved floral protuberances. 
it is in my mind a little bit french country.... 
and the back is solid but the arms are infilled with caning. 
so that part will be a little bit rock & roll. 
{i feel an osmund kind of moment here}

i had only issue when i saw her winking from the side of the road. 
where could that bungee cord be that used to ride along in the trunk for occasions such as this?
finally, i got me some payback for that tantrum the boy articulated 13 plus years ago.
he hoped that i would not be able to lift and fit the chair into my car trunk. 
foolish boy. 
i have driven for many miles and on many highways with safety blinkers on
and my hood open all the way. 
it scared the heck out of my taxi patrons. 
they were respectful and quiet as i trundled down the infamous route 10/6. 
as they ought to have been. 
as soon as she dries out her seat, i will rebuild her. 
she will be better and stronger and more bionic when i am through. 
my only real issue is what color to paint her. 
i want to try out using some chalk paint. 
this is reportedly a tad pricey... but then again, she might just deserve a nice renovation. 
white ?
apple green? 
deep sexy red ?
perhaps, subtle parisian gray?
pale turquoise?
yellow, my husband's fave color?
deep dark turquoise?

i jest cain't choose. 
ya know? 

the process of doing the upholstery will surely lead me to a decision i can live with. 
after all, she does seem to deserve the best treatment i can offer her. 
heaven knows, i have a ridiculous stash of varietal upholstery weight fabrics already
and waiting in the house.

i really cannot wait for daybreak to see if she has dried out sufficiently to start her spa treatments yet. 

please wish me luck. and ease in her transformation. 
i would hate to not be justified in my just due of torturing and horrifying my teens. 
i have been very patient waiting to do just this. 
and a new chair will surely help serve some lucky seat. 


on another sore note, 
please forgive how graphically shameful  my blog is looking right now.
 i spent hours messing it up and trying to fix it today. i think i need a specialist.
i have one on tap... and she may unscrew what i did earlier.
my plan was to try to make easier to read. 
i remain hopeful with crossed fingers. 

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