sandwich of departures

today is the day. 

it is a lot like the first day of school in september. 

when the kids were much younger, 

i would try to suspend any thinking of their returns to school. 

it let summer be summer just a tad longer. 

now, it is just the same suspension of reality that has kept me from asking.

i had no need to think about my two older children 

and their travel plans for a return to their respective college lives. 

the lives that are not filled with discussions of what's for dinner. 

who walked the dog?

will someone do the dishes?

what smells in the trash?

{ don't answer that, just take it outside to the bins }

you know,  the regular nitty gritty of living together. 

since they came home, 

created and endured their own culture shock...

loads has happened. 

all of us had a variation on a nasty cold/flu. 

we all made fart jokes. 

everyone got new shoes or boots.

we doubled up using the bathroom as there is only one. 

it became tight and squished in space-wise around here. 

and now with only one of the kids on his way back to school...

much more independent...

as he wends his way northbound in three parts, 

a ten hour journey

with his beta fish in his water bottle, 

salad dressing from his favorite resto near our home in a recycled jar  & in a plastic bag, 

and fresh sheets and clean underwear galore. 

only one of his three snapback hats in tow

(i thought he was telling me he had no room for his snackpack in his bags)

he is traveling. 

my face is plastered with those silent drippy tears that i just don't want to keep in check. 

it is awful. 

later today, 

there will be another round of this watery mess. 

of course, we are all a little sick of one another too. 

so it is ridiculously hypocritical of each of us for our own reasons. 

it is the way it is though. 

my husband made his own soft hearted approach to a farewell, 

by letting the boy cut his hair for him.

he loves cutting hair. 

my eldest is going back to her tiny apartment in boston. 

we moved her into it in september. 

she found her friend and new roommate at a nearby dorm. 

everyone was checking in there. 

when they saw each other, they ran in slow motion towards one another. 

they hugged, 

giggled,

jumped up and down. 

and now, a mere 4 months later, 

the roomie has not only left school in boston, 

but she also moved out while everyone was on break. 

we went shopping together at IKEA to fill in for the needs of 

the two independent girls 

and now, weirdly, my daughter is alone in her tiny apartment. 

i am so sorry for her...  and yes, i miss her roommate. 

somehow,

 she is fine with her friend/roommate being back at home in delaware. 

they both grew this fall. 

different things hit them differently. 

both of roomie's parents work at the university of DE... 

so there is a lot to recommend it for her. 

needless to say,  i wish her the best of luck and all. 

still, my kid is growing up more quickly than i can stand. 

again, a flotilla of those sneaky tears are sliding freely. 

so here is to growth and change for the kids, 

no matter how hard i find it. 

i am  completely aware of how sarcastic and bristly i am. 

everyone here knows though,

 that i  have the most ginormous creamy center. 

it will be rough later today when the girl goes back to school. 

i am sure that she will have one of her own totally predictable, 

yet completely unexpected 

teary outbursts. 

sobbing and saying goodbye as she is wont to do. 

about 4o times too. 

no night is complete without her multiple good night wishes for 

good and healthful sleep. 

and other things on her mind to that effect. 

please bear in mind, i did not get all weepy in september. 

it was not gonna be documented that i did that. 

now i can. 

i shall go nuts with the slippery flashflooding down my face. 

i am sure that the teardrops will blend nicely with whatever foodstuffs or drink 

that will fall onto my shirt. 

why would today be free of a food fallout?

now seems a good time to try to rest. 

the sun is rising and the birdies are chirping. 

the world outside is full of stuff and is not sterile

or compacted into little zones of appropriateness. 

it is going on.

so i must recuperate some from the first half of my baby chickies flying the nest. 

only solid rest will help really. 

also

my youngest will be mixed in her already volatile mix of emotions. 

that crazy narcissistic almost 15 year old, 

will be as bereft as i am ... missing her siblings. 

and we will be elastically stretched, folded  and compacted

back into our 3 member family. 

and the dog too. 

oh my. 

xoxo. w. 

in love with pearls.

i went to a seven sisters college. 

there, i am proud of this  and it has formed my life. 

i am not a snob 

(all the time)

from going there. 

i wanted desperately to fit in, but could never manage this. 

i suspect that this theme is something you have heard and will hear again and again. 

apologies on that. 

many times over. 

what i now know is that i wanted to thumb my nose at all the seeming conventions of the time. 

my head just was not screwed on right though. 

i was thinking of the 50's. 

not the later 70's when i actually went. 

so i will confess, i need pearls all the time. 

who knew?

in my mind, the pearls that were standard, were simple strands of evenly sized beauties. 

never got any. 

they were never a contender for application to my then slender neck. 

in the mindset of thumbing my nose or being sarcastic pearl-wise, 

i started to play around with the glass based pearl surfaced variants. 

they came in all kinds of sizes and shapes and the prices were right. 

most of the time, they have been available to me in the $5.00 per pound section 

in one of my haunts. 

how could i not play

 when they were available just waiting to feel the fountain of youth

strike them full of new purpose?

so play i did. 

and i started to swag and loop like my mother's pearls never would have. 

of course, she probably has real pearls. 

i am mortified, but i am insanely frugal. 

i don't mean to use inexpensive stuff, or junky stuff, or broken, chipped, scratched or 

yucky versions of the real mccoys. 

however, i love the lower price point of the fake pearls. 

only when i can snag a huge amount of them. 

lots and lots of them. 

here are a few of the necklaces i made playing pearly tetris. 

 bibelot I

baby Bee

shimmer and luster 

coco neige

bridal bibelot II

miss barnes

miss luella

sue-lin's lariat

binney

victorian sensible II

ami

jody

i have taken to the pearls... wouldn't you say so?

they are not really what the fifties suggested, 

but are now classic stylish necklaces 

from a seven sister's grad with a contemporary twist. 

i feel like i fit in now. 

the new goal may be to never fit in again... hee hee. 

xoxo.

W.

day of the dead...part two.

yikes. 

i just ran out of time to act like a grown up and follow through in a timely manner.

my plans went all sorts of sideways. 

what was i doing? 

i dunno. 

i got problems. 

*i watch too much tv. 

*i have a toothache. 

*my son wants winter boots and textbooks at the same time.

*my blog is stuck, the format is wonky;
wonkier than i set it up to look like
and i can't fix it. 

*i want to take photoshop lessons and they cost $695.oo at RISD.
seriously?

*i can make anyone else's line of creations a little better, 

why not my own?
*if i leave the dog home alone, will he use that time to have a seizure?
i will be sick if anything more happens to him.
fancy mutts are supposed to not have so many problems...
cause they are MUTTS after all.
not highly strung pure breeds... my story that i am sticking to. 

 *how come with all 5 of us in this house,
 we can't seem to get our prescriptions all lined up for one 

trip to the pharmacy?

*why don't the dishes get washed all by themselves?

*i only wear one pair of jeans and have been in my jammies for a couple of days. 

*why is there a pile of laundry that  could eat Cincinnati
and WHY it is invisible to everyone here? 

*how can i improve upon my mislabeling my pins on my boards
 within my now very public addiction to PINTEREST?

*how come i am now suddenly unable to eat a whole cup of ice cream?
at least without feeling it is too rich for my tummy?

and how come,
 even if i want a cup of that lethal ice cream,
 it is always gone the day after i buy it?

sheesh like i said, i got problems. 

****

so back to reality of the competition that i unwittingly entered for good or for better. 

"the day of the dead"

via the HOLE BEAD SHOP.

so...

where was i???

i guess last time, i described the list of the parts included in the kit. 

mostly there were lots of seed beads. 

you may remember how much terror they strike in my heart. 

i looked up on the interwebs how to do some wired flowers. 

when i was a kid, i made flowers from seed beads. 

i learned how to do these from the wife of my parents' lawyer. 

{my parents were happy to let me follow the hell out of her anywhere,

 since they wanted me to date her middle son. 

the date happened only once at my senior prom 

cause, let's face it, i was too weird then to be asked to the prom by a classmate. 

i had to import one from a nearby town.

and he was it. he had a bullseye on him that my parents painted... 

so i took advantage of that. 

somehow, i was always a little more pathetic than i liked.} 

so i thought perhaps it would be a good choice to make some flowers 

from the plethora of seed beads. 

these flowers are made with a french wire technique. 

equally importantly, they use up a lot of seed beads. 

i used to know how to make them, so how hard could this be?

after a few false starts, 

and accepting that i am less able to follow directions now than i ever have been,

i gave the old style a go. 

did not work out too well. 

instead, i took a page from another thing i did a few years ago. 

i found some cute polymer baby faces and made a couple of fun things with them. 

i glued those baby faces to some filigrees;

one per each. 

surrounding the faces, i wired on a bunch of vintage, little, tiny vintage seed beads,

fresh water pearls and other small bitties. 

adding the sugar skull to a filigree to surround with some flowers and leafy bits, 

was the starting point for the day of the dead project. 

i just wired as many of the little seedy green beads to the filigree as i could. 

this of course is an unbelievably time consuming process. 

it took nearly two days doing this without any other activity.

{did you really think that i would do the dishes or fold the mountain of laundry during this period?}

 i took a bunch of the cute little mixed enamel flowers in my stash 

and nearly all of the lucite flowers in the kit to start the filigree with. 

i riveted and wired almost all of them to the filigree, 

then set to filling in the open spaces with 

the seed bead greens. 

the centers were filled in with black beads. 

i used some of the clay raku beads, the ones with a burnished semi-matte finish, 

some of the tiny 1/4" lucite flowers, 

some black seed beads,

and other small black center elements. 

once done, and all of those little pieces were attached, 

i glued a second filigree to the back of the fully wired piece. 

this was the centerpiece of my necklace. 

the second filigree was a nod to Miriam Haskell, 

well known for the extra beautiful line of jewelry. 

since a lot of her pieces are wired to filigrees as well, 

 and the wire is protected while hidden with a second matching fili, 

i emulated the technique. 

it is not a success unless the back of something looks almost as pretty as its front. 

that is what they taught me in girl scouts on the subject of needlework. 

this was similar enough technically, that it seemed a good thing to do.

from this point, some flowers were pulled from my own stash again. 

they were arranged and larger lucite blossoms were nestled in amongst the metal ones. 

once the bright colors were arranged, 

riveted together and combined, 

the focal green and sugar skull filigree was attached in the center. 

the two strands of black faceted beads from the kit were then hand wired together to make some chain. 

i swagged them together to surround the skull element.

once i had a little tassel started, 

i added the lucite leaves from my kit. 

before they were hung from the beady chains, 

i drilled them, put in eyelets and glued in some sparkly rhinestones. 

the dark long leaves provided some beautiful backdrop to the rhinestones. 

glittering against the nearly black green, they added a smidge of weight too. 

this is useful for weighting the featherweight lucite leaves into place. 

since the entire conflagration of things was looking a little saturated, 

i added a few brass leaves. 

these tied into the brass chain i used to suspend the entire necklace 

and reinforce other glints of brass within the composition. 

since the premise of the kit was that 75% of its contents would be used,

 i added a lot of other stuff.

i tend to go overboard, rather than under embellish. 

i knew that i would need to balance my feeling of sewing inadequacy with 

lots of traditional color usage and floral expression. 

one of my fave style icons is Iris Apfel. 

she follows the beat of her own drummer. 

always has and is never at a risk for not being just a little over the top. 

now one of my 'go-to' considerations when making stuff is the phrase:

What Would Iris Do?

for those of you who haven't met this icon of fashion, wit and common sense, 

here is a link to a recent interview with her. 

i think it speaks volumes to her character. 

http://intothegloss.com/2012/01/iris-apfel/

i double check most of my designs with this question. 

it allows me to use 75% of anything planned on

and then get to 100%.

well, maybe you know what i mean.

anyways, i used up a lot of my kit provided components. 

what i couldn't figure out was how to add in some specific things. 

i did not use the little silver and brass charms that were included. 

also i neglected to incorporate the blister pearls. 

the dagger beads were again, over my potential. 

so i left them out. 

as i was fiddling with some of the last details, 

i wound up sort the pearls by color. 

there were roughly 8 pearls of varying sizes of each color. 

as i lined them up, i realized that there were nearly two of each oddly shaped piece. 

so i made some earrings from them. 

it seemed that something less intrusive would work nicely with the necklace. 

they also are fun enough to wear standing alone. 

{photo to be added in the morning, when the light for picture taking returns}.

so that is my story morning glory. 

how my "day of the dead" composition, 

"20 flowers for Catrina "

came to be. 

hopefully, you will not drown in a puddle of drool created while i told this story. 

xoxo.w.

day of the dead competition ...part one

this post is long overdue. 

it is about my participation in the competition

hosted by the HOLE BEAD SHOP. 

this is their internet bead store. 

http://www.theholebeadshop.com/index.htm

they have a brick and mortar store as well and it can be found here:

The Hole Bead Shoppe  

317 SE Delaware Ave  

Bartlesville, OK 74003  

if you would like to visit Kelli, Tarlee or Michael, you can do that

Tues-Fri 10-5 Sat by appointment only.

i met kelly years ago on EBAY.

luckily, Al Gore had invented the internet for us to stay in contact over time. 

what would we do without al?

anyways, i was on facebook one particular evening when kelly had posted a photo of some beads she had recently ordered. 

i was so excited, that i did not read what they were for or

 where they were coming from.

the photo below is the one that sucked my breath out of my chest 

in sheer excitement and joy. 

how could anyone not want to play with all of those little sugar heads?

well i wanted one really badly. 

i was especially fond of the one with the peace sign in the eyes. 

 i kept my eyes peeled for when kelli said she would list them. 

needless to say, i did not pay adequate attention to the entire project that was to 

accompany the one major league handsome hand crafted sugar skull bead. 

by the way, these were fashioned by hand and genius 

by the Palm Tree Queen. 

her work is seen here:

www.palmtreequeen.com

she had me at sugar skulls. 

since there were only to be 10 kits sold, i thought i would try to give my kit a go. 

what could that hurt? 

well many of the details unfolded and i started to panic. 

and panic big time. 

some of kelli's dearest friends/customers, 

were very gifted needle artists and teachers. 

i seriously can't do anything like that at all. 

it takes putting a couple of beads onto the needle with thread and i am lost. 

so very painfully lost. 

i knew the competition was steep, 

but i thought, it would be fun to take my mind off of the usual stuff i am mired in. 

i needed a palmtree vacation, even if i didn't have the chance to go anywhere. 

here was the kit that was sent to me. 

full of the ever so dangerous seed beads. 

the kind that i would never be able to use up in a gazillion years. 

i spent a lot of time thinking about the contents of this kit. 

it had some very pretty and some unexpected things within its confines. 

and the selection looked like this.

the contents were amazing and varied. 

1}.there was of course the promised glass bead sugar skull. 

it was everything i had hoped it might be and more. 

so very delicate with so very very many details, a lot of whimsy and even a little creepiness. 

2}. there were seed beads in a nice bright chartreuse green, that I LOVE

some in a shade of patina green

some in a little dark moss with an almost aubergine wash on them

some square frosted beads

some white teensy teardrops

some black seed beads

and some orange seed beads. 

if i am missing any of the seedy varietals, forgive me. 

i neglected to take a particular inventory.

3}. a small bag of pretty clay beads that looked as if they were hand made and 

fired in a wood oven in the raku process were included. 

these came in round and ovaline and bird and some other shape. 

along with these were some very interesting black beads in a very round shape. 

they looked too much like the raku style ones , but were a lot smaller. 

they also were a tad bigger than the conventional seed beads. 

4}. there was a mass of odd and interesting beads on strings as well. 

a strand of orange, pink, purple and blue blister pearls. 

a strand of red dagger beads

a couple of strands of faceted black chinese crystals. 

a strand of pretty red smallish beads too. 

5}. anothe small bag in this treasure trove held some silver  and brass charms. 

you can see that other artists in the competition were more able to incorporate those better. 

6}. the last items that i remember are the collection of lucite flowers and leaves. 

they were included in a variety of sizes. 

from the itty bitty ones around 1/4" flowers to the long, deep, dark green  leaves. 

kelli and i found our earliest bonding over some of these lucite components way back in the day. 

these are hers from her store's inventory and not ones i have squirreled away over time. 

hers have more colors and shapes and therefore potential.

surely there were plenty of other small sized trinkets from within this treasure trove. 

i just neglected to make a proper list of them. 

i have to make this a two part posting. 

tomorrow, i am to meet kind david, my artist representative. 

he is off to break into the new season and show me off. 

naturally, just like a naughty schoolgirl,

 i am without my homework completed. 

lest you think i am some sort of cool calm collected person, 

i should assure you that i am not happy until i am gasping 

as i hit the finish line. 

i spent all day practically looking for the little snaps to use 

on my new collection of bracelets. 

i was so frustrated, i picked my son up from his lunch with his girls

 {from last year's science olympiad}

and dragged him all over craft hell. 

you know the juicy big box stores that have everything...

except when you are up against a deadline, the stock you need is sold out...

and some old lady has been farting all over that underused section of the store. 

the mix of that smell with the multitude of bridal candle making supplies,

and their perfumes... 

literally made my eyes water.

it took two stores. 

and it was a failure to find the proper things to use. 

i know cause when i got home, 

i tried to match up the 4 parts to make a snap, 

and was just a heartbeat too short on the stem to connect properly. 

i kind of gave up on that. 

too much to be disappointed in. 

instead i made dinner, 

worked on refurbishing my sell sheet for tomorrow and 

had my daughter try to deal with my general case of overbearing and indecisive

decision making. 

poor kid. 

still, if i get up tomorrow and take a few pics, i can get her to insert them into 

my sell sheet,

rush to kinkos, 

print the suckers.

then i can shuffle the boy to his ortho appt.  

and have my husband drive all over creation, play my tennis hour with the raisin

and 

chauffeur us both to different sides of the city, 

while i am meeting with david.  

if i had a superhero power, i think i would like to be able to do that 

blink of an eye like barbara eden and transport myself anywhere. 

this chaos is just so much stress. 

i feel it all the way in my teensy bones. 

truly, i had such grand hopes to complete so many things. 

and i just could not get it going. 

i did make this light little necklace that is 

long enough to cover a few spots on my shirt from undesired food spills, 

yet if on my wrist, wrapped 3 times, makes a nifty bracelet. 

{it was 27-34 degrees today, so please ignore the old icky chicken skin seen in these pics.}

it is simple and easy to put on relatively speaking. 

i wanted something that would stay put when on the wrist, 

so you could put it on easily. 

all by yourself. 

novel as that is. 

i wanted it to be full in look, but light to wear. 

i wanted a wintry palette. 

i will be making more of these for my store... 

should i ever get back into the swing of things. 

the holidays and the flu ate me alive for breakfast for more than an couple of days. 

it was not worked into my schedule, so it was unpleasant to accommodate.

i am going to sleep now. 

tomorrow, i shall finish part two of the novella about this competition. 

perhaps i can even get all of the other stuff needed to be done for then. 

night night. 

xoxo. 

W.

tabula rasa or a clean slate

well, as i mentally turned the page on my perpetual calendar, 

i am offered up a fresh day. 

a fresh year, 

and a chance for a do over if i want one. 

the past year was covered with yesterday's posting. 

the potential that i alluded to should not be overlooked. 

i feel very proud of what i was able to accomplish with so many speed bumps in place. 

i know they were there, cause i put them there. 

several attempts were made in 2011.

mawkishly at best and worst. 

they were things i learned from and with their experiences, 

i look forward to fresh opportunities. 

i tried to do some shows last year. 

this year i have already applied to participate in many already. 

these include ones already into the holiday season. 

i feel emboldened. 

and i feel fresh. 

perhaps even a little brash. 

i plan to shake things up as much and then more if i can. 

the only one of course to walk away from any of this 

with shaken artist syndrome, is me. 

my plan was to become desensitized to things going wrong. 

instead, embrace that which goes well and can be improved further. 

i think i got a lot more comfortable with it all and found out as i participated,

 i made friends at shows. 

everyone else was in the same boat. 

it has really been a good feeling to gain confidence about my work, 

and develop friends with the same interests. 

i entertained a wonderful man. 

not my husband either. 

he neither winced at my dog hair infested lair, 

nor did he miss a beat snickering any of my jokes. 

he also did his job.

{thank you , thank you , thank you!}

he also encouraged the hell out of me to do my own job. 

thank you david. 

my guru and buddy. 

my artist representative. 

my friend and husband to my other new friend, his beauteous wife jennifer. 

as they both struck out on their individual endeavors, 

i went along for the ride. 

me with them, and them with me. 

it was occasionally a tad bumpy, 

but most of the time it was a full on good time. 

i can't wait to see what they bring my way this year!!!

if luck prevails, perhaps i can bring a little bit back to them. 

i decided to pursue filling wholesale orders that david brought my way. 

i plan to keep up with that, 

and bring new ideas and executions to the velvet sample roll. 

it seems like a good time to stop panicking and put my nose to the grindstone. 

if things go off course, 

perhaps my new safety net of friends will catch me, 

prop me up 

and push me to have faith in myself once again. 

hubby and i now have two kids in college. 

last year, it terrified us. 

the tuition was gonna cause a very large rift if allowed to do so. 

it is not always a flush financial environment in little Rhody. 

we spent a lot of the time wringing our hands and getting all out crazy. 

now there is a tide to the whole system. 

we are not panicking, just planning for the first time. 

it is refreshing to see that we can do things together without crippling fear. 

the consistency of my having work, 

allows us to have groceries in house most days. 

when our pantry fails to be filled with useful items, 

we can always call down the street for really tasty Thai food.

they are very happy to supply us with it. 

the idea of having to eat rice and beans regularly is no longer the  mandatory option it has been. 

we don't have to, we now get to and like it a lot.

if i can just make myself do it,

 i can go play tennis every wednesday. 

PRIORITIZE.

me first, children after!

chew on that one mes cheres.

this shall allow for me to regale the two friends 

that admitted that were listening to me rant about my experiences... 

to hear about the  outcome of 

"RAISIN-GEDDON". *

simultaneously,

i can work on my ongoing interest in not looking pear-shaped forever. 

and if try really hard, maybe there is room to improve my playing a game i truly enjoy. 

*{unfortunately there is a woman i play with who is not pleasant enough for my liking.}

  {she is referred to as 'the raisin with a racquet'}. 

{if i can get a few more pounds to say hasta la bye bye,

 i will move faster thus getting revenge on the raisin, by playing better. }

anyways, i need a new pair of jeans.

 it sure would be nice if they were more than one size smaller. 

if i dream it, it will stay in focus. 

also i am sure to have a few other hair brained schemes happening, 

but moving furniture around and my supplies into working placement, 

will be nothing but a winning situation. 

i have made only parts of jewelry today. 

i guess panic about my january 4th deadline is not in full tilt just yet. 

i wish i had  a few random photos of some flowers and other stylings 

 that make my heart flutter to share, but i don't today. 

tomorrow holds greater promise for such a goal to be attempted. 

i bid you good night...

xoxo. 

W.

a fresh slate

i wish i could say that i was able to skip over the review of 2011.

what i will say is that i never enjoy setting on a list of things to do at the beginning of a new year. 

the last time i  did that was roughly 28 years ago.

my promise was to balance my checking account. 

since i made that fist-shaking at the sky deal with the universe, 

ala Scarlett O'Hara promising to never go hungry again, 

i never have balanced my checkbook again. 

i guess i just love living on the edge of reason. 

i know my life is one that follows no reason or rules. 

i used to feel so uncomfortable in my own skin. 

i wanted to "fit in".

i was a round peg in a square hole. 

it was some kind of arrested high school mentality on my part. 

it was painful that i just could not get with the program
or what i perceived it was.

so i went to college. 

where once again, i did not feel like i fit in. 

all women's college with loads of over achieving and capable women all around. 

i tried, but at things i did not love. 

what a waste ... and when i was deemed talented, i was perplexed by that.
i did get a glimmer there though.

again, time for college: round two. 

not a masters degree program, but a second undergraduate degree. 

this time it was in architecture. 

and it took a year and a day to become licensed to practice. 

not literally, but more frustratingly. 

i had trouble with two sections of the exam i needed to pass (10 parts/4 days).

i taught myself enough about structures and earthquakes to pass that part of the exam. 

yet success with the design section was elusive. 

it was that the requirement to pass it was to metaphorically and literally,

draw a line.

not a wiggly line. 

not a purple line. 

not a fat line. 

not a skinny line. 

just draw a line. 

when i accepted that philosophically, the exam was easy. 

like having a key to a lock.
sheesh. 

then came working for others. 

too many chiefs... me the only indian. 

trying so many different shoes on until i got the glass slippers. 

by then i realized that i wore brightly colored clogs. 

children. 

one. 

two. 

three. 

baking for coffee houses and the like. 

very precise rules, but easy to break once they were learned. 

self employment and freedom. 

no looking back on that square peg and round hole 

and vice versa 

 conundrum. 

husband health issues. 

now resolved pretty much. 

a good scare that sent me to only think in hindsight. 

wringing my hands was just nothing but a waste of time and good skin. 

now unexpectedly, 

as happy as i could ever be, 

in a totally unplanned 

unexpected path

making jewelry. 

who knew that my shyness

{DON'T LAUGH!!!}

could be overcome?

sheer persistence and putting my heart on the line doing shows

was integral to getting a more tough skin
 and a sense of standing on my feet more securely was within my cross-hairs

it was like everything else in life, 

the little scones i made every morning at 4 a.m.
day after day for months on end
year after year as well;

the multiple earrings,  made two by two. matching as closely as possible;

the consistency of not negotiating with naughty children;

and making choices constantly that i would need to live with. 

i got to enjoy putting myself out there in the world. 

little bit by bit. 

and now 

2011 

is a thing of the past. 

it was a really hard, but mostly fun experience. 

i learned a lot. 

a hellofalot. 

and i welcome 

little miss 2012 in with open arms. 

it is time to restart the machine
and not make the same errors that were in play
leading up to and including 2011.

time not to make new resolutions, 

but accept the  chance to make new errors for fresh lessons to be learned. 

and to keep open to the idea that new people,
 as well as the ones that are already "wendy ready",
 will add to the richness of it all. 

i also feel utterly grateful for the amazing health successes 

so many of my friends
those who 

have climbed back fighting with the intensity, determination and the with the pluck of mastering K2!

you folks are superheroes, each and every one of you. 

1. a shout out to mickey, his darling wife lucy and their fab family.
i can't wait to see you all!

2. a shout out to kim who makes fun of how having illness is bringing her wit to bear. 

3.i am so proud of jess... for her kicking some ugly thing to the curb.
now i can drop off some tiles to you for your fresh creative endeavors.

4. my husband deserves a little something too, for eating right, taking meds and staying fit. 

5. a chance to pretend to tuck sheri into her beddy bye just to outwit her evil personal pains.

all the other amazing people in my world are there

 because 

i need and love you. 

just saying. 

so thanks and let's start that new year off planting many, many, many new beds of flowers. 

both real and jewelry styled. 

each goal to try to achieve is on a day to day basis. 

this year, i want to learn more about leathercrafting. 

painting, drawing, construction of jewelry, photography,

promotion, business, and perhaps html. 

for this i bid the year adieu with this necklace in serene whites and nearly whites. 

the next one promises some neon tones and a few jolts of  brightness ...

thank you everyone. 

i will try to keep on with my promise of last year...

to be a more consistent blogger. 

and one with better stories and pics. 

i can hope right?

HAPPY NEW YEAR 

everyone!!!

xo.

W.

weak kneed without chocolate

i have an itch. 

i can't scratch it until the family goes to bed. 

with my daughter as the other household night owl, 

i feel like i may never get to handle my itch. 

the itch has more than one side to it.

i want some chocolate. 

not only do i want chocolate, but i want something sweet. 

i also want something yummy to hit the spot. 

what i want is a peanut butter candy. 

now what made me settle on a peanut butter candy?

i want something a little bit like butterfingers. 

just better. 

i am watching tv while hanging on the computer. 

BIG MISTAKE.

i really should know better. 

there is an ad on the air these days for some dishwashing soap
that features some blogger lady. 

i of course am always trying to get over my disdain for yet another talented blogger. 

always bloggers seem to be so much better at it than i am. 

sadly, it might not be tremendously hard to exceed that level.

(i am not being paid to sell the soap, so i am keeping mum on its brand.)

(that info is irrelevant anyways to this anyways. )

her blog is called 

"NOT WITHOUT SALT"

http://notwithoutsalt.com/

so, she has a blog..

so, she has a dear looking little blond bob...

so, she is adorable...

so, she writes about food....

and so,  i am more than just a little jealous. 

i gave her blog a quick, derisive and fear filled look-see. 

it was just to prove i can match her interests food item for food item.

i just read the first few sentences of her blog. 

and now, i am 

hooked. 

totally hooked. 

hooked, lined and sinkered.

 before i made it to the bottom of the first page, 

i was double clicking around her site like a lovesick puppy.
whimpering, wetting newspaper on the floor, and running in circles kind of lovesick puppy.  

i will be making that 

butterscotch + PEANUT BUTTER+ chocolate candy that she made into bars. 

i want it badly.  

how could i possibly NOT??? 

good thing though...

i have solid unbreakable rules for working with sugar.
 that's what this recipe calls for. 

1. no sugar cooking/candy making before the kitchen is cleaned up completely

2. no working with sugar while the kids are awake or around.

distractions and hot molten sugar do not work. 

i will make it tomorrow

or later this week, once i feel really good again. 

i must say it looks so good and seductive. 

http://notwithoutsalt.com/2011/07/11/homemade-butter-finger-candy/

also, i am also sure i want to try to make the coffee cake recipe on her site

 that  uses chocolate nibs. 

her description of it suggests that i may swoon. 

which would be ok,
 but my knees are hurting still from my recent resumption 

of playing tennis
 and having leftover ague from the flu this week. 

it could be seriously dangerous to my way of living as a couch potato. 

/http://notwithoutsalt.com/2011/12/20/cocoa-nib-coffee-cake/

i think you can tell how addictive i find everything these days. 

and i really do find so much tremendously addictive. 

maybe i should be making a top ten list of my current addictions? 

ugh. could i stop at ten? 

i can hope can't i?

well, i am growing weak kneed not having any chocolate confections in the house.

it may be a good time to do a few tasks
 before i completely fall asleep. 

i am very tired after several nights of insomnia. 

i want to try my best to grab hold of a good night's sleep sometime soon. 

at least before i grow another addiction or two. 

xo.

w.