Sunday, January 1, 2012

a fresh slate

i wish i could say that i was able to skip over the review of 2011.
what i will say is that i never enjoy setting on a list of things to do at the beginning of a new year. 
the last time i  did that was roughly 28 years ago.

my promise was to balance my checking account. 
since i made that fist-shaking at the sky deal with the universe, 
ala Scarlett O'Hara promising to never go hungry again, 
i never have balanced my checkbook again. 
i guess i just love living on the edge of reason. 

i know my life is one that follows no reason or rules. 
i used to feel so uncomfortable in my own skin. 
i wanted to "fit in".
i was a round peg in a square hole. 
it was some kind of arrested high school mentality on my part. 
it was painful that i just could not get with the program
or what i perceived it was.

so i went to college. 
where once again, i did not feel like i fit in. 
all women's college with loads of over achieving and capable women all around. 
i tried, but at things i did not love. 
what a waste ... and when i was deemed talented, i was perplexed by that.
i did get a glimmer there though.

again, time for college: round two. 
not a masters degree program, but a second undergraduate degree. 
this time it was in architecture. 
and it took a year and a day to become licensed to practice. 
not literally, but more frustratingly. 
i had trouble with two sections of the exam i needed to pass (10 parts/4 days).
i taught myself enough about structures and earthquakes to pass that part of the exam. 
yet success with the design section was elusive. 
it was that the requirement to pass it was to metaphorically and literally,
draw a line.

not a wiggly line. 
not a purple line. 
not a fat line. 
not a skinny line. 
just draw a line. 
when i accepted that philosophically, the exam was easy. 
like having a key to a lock.

then came working for others. 
too many chiefs... me the only indian. 
trying so many different shoes on until i got the glass slippers. 
by then i realized that i wore brightly colored clogs. 


baking for coffee houses and the like. 
very precise rules, but easy to break once they were learned. 
self employment and freedom. 

no looking back on that square peg and round hole 
and vice versa 

husband health issues. 
now resolved pretty much. 
a good scare that sent me to only think in hindsight. 
wringing my hands was just nothing but a waste of time and good skin. 

now unexpectedly, 
as happy as i could ever be, 
in a totally unplanned 
unexpected path
making jewelry. 

who knew that my shyness
could be overcome?
sheer persistence and putting my heart on the line doing shows
was integral to getting a more tough skin
 and a sense of standing on my feet more securely was within my cross-hairs
it was like everything else in life, 
the little scones i made every morning at 4 a.m.
day after day for months on end
year after year as well;
the multiple earrings,  made two by two. matching as closely as possible;
the consistency of not negotiating with naughty children;
and making choices constantly that i would need to live with. 
i got to enjoy putting myself out there in the world. 
little bit by bit. 
and now 
is a thing of the past. 
it was a really hard, but mostly fun experience. 
i learned a lot. 
a hellofalot. 

and i welcome 
little miss 2012 in with open arms. 
it is time to restart the machine
and not make the same errors that were in play
leading up to and including 2011.

time not to make new resolutions, 
but accept the  chance to make new errors for fresh lessons to be learned. 

and to keep open to the idea that new people,
 as well as the ones that are already "wendy ready",
 will add to the richness of it all. 

i also feel utterly grateful for the amazing health successes 
so many of my friends
those who 
have climbed back fighting with the intensity, determination and the with the pluck of mastering K2!
you folks are superheroes, each and every one of you. 
1. a shout out to mickey, his darling wife lucy and their fab family.
i can't wait to see you all!

2. a shout out to kim who makes fun of how having illness is bringing her wit to bear. 

3.i am so proud of jess... for her kicking some ugly thing to the curb.
now i can drop off some tiles to you for your fresh creative endeavors.

4. my husband deserves a little something too, for eating right, taking meds and staying fit. 

5. a chance to pretend to tuck sheri into her beddy bye just to outwit her evil personal pains.

all the other amazing people in my world are there
i need and love you. 
just saying. 
so thanks and let's start that new year off planting many, many, many new beds of flowers. 
both real and jewelry styled. 

each goal to try to achieve is on a day to day basis. 
this year, i want to learn more about leathercrafting. 
painting, drawing, construction of jewelry, photography,
promotion, business, and perhaps html. 

for this i bid the year adieu with this necklace in serene whites and nearly whites. 
the next one promises some neon tones and a few jolts of  brightness ...
thank you everyone. 
i will try to keep on with my promise of last year...
to be a more consistent blogger. 
and one with better stories and pics. 
i can hope right?



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