sandwich of departures

today is the day. 

it is a lot like the first day of school in september. 

when the kids were much younger, 

i would try to suspend any thinking of their returns to school. 

it let summer be summer just a tad longer. 

now, it is just the same suspension of reality that has kept me from asking.

i had no need to think about my two older children 

and their travel plans for a return to their respective college lives. 

the lives that are not filled with discussions of what's for dinner. 

who walked the dog?

will someone do the dishes?

what smells in the trash?

{ don't answer that, just take it outside to the bins }

you know,  the regular nitty gritty of living together. 

since they came home, 

created and endured their own culture shock...

loads has happened. 

all of us had a variation on a nasty cold/flu. 

we all made fart jokes. 

everyone got new shoes or boots.

we doubled up using the bathroom as there is only one. 

it became tight and squished in space-wise around here. 

and now with only one of the kids on his way back to school...

much more independent...

as he wends his way northbound in three parts, 

a ten hour journey

with his beta fish in his water bottle, 

salad dressing from his favorite resto near our home in a recycled jar  & in a plastic bag, 

and fresh sheets and clean underwear galore. 

only one of his three snapback hats in tow

(i thought he was telling me he had no room for his snackpack in his bags)

he is traveling. 

my face is plastered with those silent drippy tears that i just don't want to keep in check. 

it is awful. 

later today, 

there will be another round of this watery mess. 

of course, we are all a little sick of one another too. 

so it is ridiculously hypocritical of each of us for our own reasons. 

it is the way it is though. 

my husband made his own soft hearted approach to a farewell, 

by letting the boy cut his hair for him.

he loves cutting hair. 

my eldest is going back to her tiny apartment in boston. 

we moved her into it in september. 

she found her friend and new roommate at a nearby dorm. 

everyone was checking in there. 

when they saw each other, they ran in slow motion towards one another. 

they hugged, 

giggled,

jumped up and down. 

and now, a mere 4 months later, 

the roomie has not only left school in boston, 

but she also moved out while everyone was on break. 

we went shopping together at IKEA to fill in for the needs of 

the two independent girls 

and now, weirdly, my daughter is alone in her tiny apartment. 

i am so sorry for her...  and yes, i miss her roommate. 

somehow,

 she is fine with her friend/roommate being back at home in delaware. 

they both grew this fall. 

different things hit them differently. 

both of roomie's parents work at the university of DE... 

so there is a lot to recommend it for her. 

needless to say,  i wish her the best of luck and all. 

still, my kid is growing up more quickly than i can stand. 

again, a flotilla of those sneaky tears are sliding freely. 

so here is to growth and change for the kids, 

no matter how hard i find it. 

i am  completely aware of how sarcastic and bristly i am. 

everyone here knows though,

 that i  have the most ginormous creamy center. 

it will be rough later today when the girl goes back to school. 

i am sure that she will have one of her own totally predictable, 

yet completely unexpected 

teary outbursts. 

sobbing and saying goodbye as she is wont to do. 

about 4o times too. 

no night is complete without her multiple good night wishes for 

good and healthful sleep. 

and other things on her mind to that effect. 

please bear in mind, i did not get all weepy in september. 

it was not gonna be documented that i did that. 

now i can. 

i shall go nuts with the slippery flashflooding down my face. 

i am sure that the teardrops will blend nicely with whatever foodstuffs or drink 

that will fall onto my shirt. 

why would today be free of a food fallout?

now seems a good time to try to rest. 

the sun is rising and the birdies are chirping. 

the world outside is full of stuff and is not sterile

or compacted into little zones of appropriateness. 

it is going on.

so i must recuperate some from the first half of my baby chickies flying the nest. 

only solid rest will help really. 

also

my youngest will be mixed in her already volatile mix of emotions. 

that crazy narcissistic almost 15 year old, 

will be as bereft as i am ... missing her siblings. 

and we will be elastically stretched, folded  and compacted

back into our 3 member family. 

and the dog too. 

oh my. 

xoxo. w.