Thursday, June 2, 2011

26 years of marriage

i have trouble falling asleep. there is just too much to do in any one of my days. today, it  is as hard as ever, since i have more than the usual stuff going on. 

no one thought it would last.
(at least in either of our families) 
i met the guy after dating his roommate. months after that... never during the dating.
 i also met the guy a few months before his wedding to his high school sweetheart. 
they had been dating for 10 years. 
i gave him the key to my apartment a week after i met him. that was 28 years ago. 

if i am correct, and i always think i am, even when i am not, we may have been married longer. 
i forget stuff all the time and yep, this is one of those things.
it just annoys my husband. 
 i am really grateful to do that. 
he annoys the hell out of me 362 days out of the year. 
he is an impassioned ice hockey fanatic. anything other than that, draws out some curmudgeonly genetic expression. so i like to give him pause to think that i am just not paying attention. 
he may correct my numbers ... in that we may have been married 27 years and together 29. the lowdown on this will be made public later today. 
maybe i should text one of the kids to ask him?

as for the other 362 days of the year, he is a cancer, and lives up to the definition of a moody fellow. not all are bad moods, just hard to identify sometimes. 
on the following 3 days, he is simply the most  pleasingly mushy bucket of bones:
1} Mother's Day
2} our anniversary
3} my birthday
other nice days when he can flex his mushiness are on:
4} Father's day
5} when he takes a child to college
6} his birthday
he is a grump a lot, and it is because he truly believes the weight of the world is on his shoulders. it is an awful lot of the time. i try, but he is the breadwinner. and for that i am eternally grateful. so i give a lot of dispensation for his emotional swing dances. 

here are some reasons that we have had a rather interesting marriage. at least i think so. 
1} a very sharply honed sense of humor. it causes him to smile before presenting it( kind of like a mouse on a platter). if something is not funny the first time, it may be the 700th time through. 
case in point... every time we pass Mass. Eye and Ear hospital in Boston, he turns slowly to me and says..."what?". perhaps 7oo is conservative on that counting. 
2} he hates beets, while i love them. more for me. 
3} when he had a heart attack 2 yrs ago, he awakened me and told me at 6 am that he thought that he needed to go to the hospital. never did either of us think that an ambulance should be called. we were in an emergency room cubicle and being seen within 15 minutes. he never considered depending on anyone but me. still not sure that i like that responsibility, but am grateful that it is there. 
4} i never considered he would die. it never occurred to me that it was a possibility. 
5} when having the big sex talk with our then 14 year old son, i read the boy the riot act. hubby went all soft and sweet. he spoke to our son about when the boy would fall in love and really loved some young woman, he would feel differently than he was feeling at that hormonally directed time..... how mortified was i to discuss the indelicacies his interest  in sex with a wanton hussy that was rushing him into it. ugh. too much information. girls surprise me these days. dad was thoughtful and kind, i was full of rage and expletives. 
6}  we have three very distinctly different  kids personality-wise and they rule our universe. we would not have it any other way. 
7} he was crying when the first was born. drinking scotch to celebrate and throwing it all up. 
did i mention he is delicate? and sensitive?
8} he kinda digs his toe in the dirt and employs an "aw, shucks ma'am" attitude when he meets new people.  which just bugs me, cause often they are hitting on him and he hasn't a clue. 
9} he likes to stay with me at parties. even when i try to ditch him. he still likes me afterwards in spite of my independent nature. 
10} he tries to pretend he is listening when i am on a rant. some of those can go on for quite a while too. (note length of post so far...)
11} before the onset of facial hair, he had freckles. two of our kids have them as a result. 
12} he tolerates my family pretty well, which i don't and understands when i get crazy around them. or just thinking about them.
some of those folks should never have met each other even in a random celebration on new years eve in times square. just so ill suited to be together at all or be friendly to us. weird people... 
13} can't stay awake after 9 pm, unless hockey is on. 
14} when he rents a movie for us all to watch, i usually whine about it, and then like it at its end.
15} we all scramble to find the tv clickers when he comes home in the evening... since we like to watch junky tv. he will inevitably surf and settle on some PBS show that no one wants to watch. and eventually we get all interested in. dammit. 
16} he likes to turn the garden soil and plant things. i tend to pick things out and then kill them from neglect or over-watering. he is so committed he suggested i was gonna get something red and expensive for my birthday. i thought a ruby, foolishly. he came home with a rototiller. i now get great tomatoes when plants them for the season. 
17} we have splendid roses, cause he can prune anything. i can't. he can make those surgical decisions, i like to wait and see. i drive myself nuts on this one. 
18} yellow is his favorite color. 
19} he wears clogs and drank tea for years... and read things with half glasses on. if he could have owned a cat or a PRIUS car, he would have. 
20} his true nature is now revealed. he is back to drinking coffee and loving sloppy, excitable, cheerful, dependent  and above all else, Loyal dogs. 
21} he only makes noodles and salads. he is not a cook. the world would have to collapse if he were needed to bake anything. yet he can build houses.
22} i could call him anywhere to change a tire and i have. 
23} the issue of killing spiders has not been invoked. i am not afraid of them, and he likes to let living things live. 
24} he likes spaghetti and meatballs, while i like sausage and ziti. 
25} he does not like to swim... and i love it. he loves boating, and i do not. 
26} after all this time, when asked if he thinks he has a happy marriage, he looks at me and drily says, "of course?, why do you ask?"
27} when asked his opinion on the 52% divorce rate in the USA at that time, he responded with, "whoever dies first, wins." 
28} we still love each other more than anyone else. yep, surprises me more than anyone... 

and that is a sampling of our 28 (or is it 29 yrs together?).


 and to the rest of you all, thanks for visiting. 


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