Monday, November 14, 2011

family motto

at this time of the year, there are all sorts of things to be doing. 
of course, being me, i am going to subscribe to the family business. 
our family has made a lifetime work study through the generations out of 
i recognize that many folks fret. 
but they are amateurs by our standards. 
our family motto is:
" when in doubt, just worry more".

the legacy was brought to us by my grandfather Poppy. 
rumor had it that he had a flourishing business as a wool broker. 
he spent years and years traveling throughout New England 
to do his job. 
at some point in time, he opted to retire. 
everyone said that he did this in order to take up his hobby full time. 
that of course was the worrying. 

i have a lot of his crazy strand of dna in me. 
of that i am certain. 
i am currently mothering two college students long distance. 
one might think out of sight, out of mind. 
i wish that were the case. 
 now that they are not in the house, the widget aka 3rd kid is taking up the slack. 
she needs the space that all 3 took up together. 
and i am sure things on that front are only going to get more intense. 

example of my worrisome personality. 
my son plays ice hockey... and has done so for about a decade or so. 
he was at a practice one night when he was in middle school. 
he came home with a banged up thumb. 
it was spring break. 
i figured that in spite of my husband saying he had just sprained the thumb,
i would take him for an x-ray the next day. 
since the children's hospital near us would undoubtedly be full of kids with the flu 
and all i needed was an x-ray, 
we went to the more geriatric hospital in town. 
the issues in that waiting room were sure to be less mucous and virus filled.
{spring break, too many kids around}
i was right.
we chatted amiably with an older woman with no original gizzards left, 
while we waited. 
the boy got his picture taken. 
they docs in the e.r. said they were sure as my husband that there was no break. 
there was a break and it required a specialist to look at it. 
i then went with the boy to the orthopedist to have his thumb examined by a more clever doc. 
i sat in that waiting room for 2 hrs. for an appointment no less. 
i got really pissed. 
the doc looked at my son's films on his computer, 
showed him all that he was talking about with a cursor, 
and i got a little sick.

the break was there and needed surgical repair since it was in a growth plate. 
without the surgery,
 he would not have thumbs that were the same length or enjoyed full rotation and natural movement. 
everything went off without a hitch. 
surgery check. 
recovery check.
physical therapy check. 
there was a pin inserted to hold the whole mass in place during the surgery. 
it would move with the thumb when my son moved it around.
this too nauseated me.
of course he took this opportunity to show it to girls. 
quel pick up line. 
and its removal was equally disgusting.

the clever doc pulled a run of the mill toolbox from under the patients seating. 
out from that he pulled a regular pair of pliers. 
with these, he grasped the looped end of the pin and pulled it out. 
nope, i did not faint. 
i really wanted to. 
still do. 
and now the boy has two delightfully matching thumbs
 that he uses for comedic emphasis and whatever else he chooses to employ them for.

mostly i might add to continue to make me worry. 
and he is very good at that. 

so i worry. 
i know, it is part and parcel of the mom thing. 
but i have always been this way. 
it is exhausting. 
now i worry about
how to do things
how not to do things
what did i say that might have been inappropriate. 
and every other damn thing.

most folks like the holidays. 
i am unsure if i actually do. 
i like the rituals and celebrations;
the glamour and the glitz. 
i wish i could enjoy everything more... naturally. 
instead i make my own little panacea. 
i live in a flower decorated world. 
one of my own construction. 
perhaps things might be less worrisome, if i lived in a white house draped in bouganvillea?
surrounded by roses and daisies? 
and with a pool of pale blue waters outside....
surely that would rock?
and i could bring my own flowered madness to a happy state. 
i am dreaming now... 
and pushing worry to the side. 

here is a fresh crop of blossoms from my world. 
here's hoping that they brighten your world as much as they do mine. 
i really am happy, i just grind a lot on life's issues.
its part of the narcissistic gig, you know?

these are earrings in progress, using jet black rhinestones 
and emulating black eyed susans. 
also essential to my garden dream life. 


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