musings on musings.

it snowed last night. 

perhaps a little to some, but for Rhode Islanders, a lot. 

many of my facebook friends are talking about its inconvenience. 

i am still in my jammies, reading pretty magazines and drinking coffee.

we do not own a snowblower... and the kids who ordinarily would help, 

are now out at their respective college abodes. 

i am planning on going out to do some shoveling soon. 

it is a refreshing thing for me, as i have not always been singly responsible to do it. 

it remains a pleasure almost... 

considering my innate laziness with sports, this is amusing to me somehow. 

while i was reading through my queue of magazines with beautiful photos, 

i realized something. 

i adore that i am able to make jewelry and i look forward to it daily.

when my feet hit the floor, i take care of my caffeine needs, tooth brushing, 

showering and then i plan. 

it feels a lot like a holiday, where i get to open gifts based upon my needs and dreams. 

what i discovered this morning, 

is that i always feel like i am waiting and this is what i am doing right now 

to spend time until the next big thing happens. 

in my mind, it is as if somehow everything is really important, 

but a time killer. 

i hate this revelation. 

to the middle of my very core. 

how could i possibly feel i am wasting time? 

especially when i am doing something i really enjoy? 

and that is enjoyed greatly by others? 

what is up with this?

i am unsure of what itch needs scratching. 

up to this point, many other career choices were explored. 

did i become bored along the way? 

how did they transform into passed choices?

what is it in my nature that allows me to sit in the middle of everything

and be some immobilized or stuck...

while moving forward?

it is probably not just my own issues... but those that many folks experience. 

i just have no idea. 

there have been hints at what is appearing to me for some time now. 

i just swept them aside. 

it is not uncommon that everything i do, impacts the next thing i do. 

for example...

years were spent in school. 

my academic interests led me to study math and sciences. 

i did so, to prevent criticisms from the worst critics. 

it kept me from feeling as if nothing i could do would ever be considered valuable. 

my worst critic hobbled me. 

i loved the challenges sometimes, but mostly felt it was a path to avoid confrontation. 

as is the case, confrontation was inevitable. 

i had in the meanwhile, created a different path for myself move around an obstacle. 

in an experiment i discovered that i had some "talent".

talent was only visible to others. 

i never felt it was my own. 

so i again pushed it to the side. 

i spent years chasing a fresh line of study. 

architecture. 

not that it was a failure...

it just was not all that pertinent to me personally. 

it took finally being pregnant and starting to work on being a mom

to start to come into focus. 

the focus was that i was working really hard at it, and it was not serving me well. 

while learning how to mother my little clutch of children, 

i went back to the crafting of my own childhood. 

fiddling with beads, 

knitting without abandon, 

and 

baking. 

the baking won out. 

i serviced many restaurants, coffeehouses, movie theaters, cafes and even a nursery. 

it obsessed me. 

i learned so much just reading cookbooks and watching pbs. 

i was emboldened to play with food. 

for valentines day, i made shortbread cookies that were half an inch across, 

colored with pale tints of icing and matching sweet heart candies 

(without red imprinted sentiments of love);

i made biscotti and had a recipe published in the now defunct "Gourmet Magazine";

bread was easy to bake... and i did bake a lot of it. 

focaccia with lemon herb olive pesto on its surface.

walnutty whole wheat loaves. 

mixed scones flavor after flavor, shape after shape, sweet after savory,

and everything else in between.

bagels for wintry days with the kids or pretzels. 

hundreds of monstrously labor intensive iced decorated sugar cookies. 

gingerbread houses from my own drafting table designs. 

i baked and baked

so many things, 

so many yummy things, 

so many things requiring an oven.

eventually, i baked into burn out. 

this had a little to do with it being a hundred degrees out and 

feeling obliged to compete with huge bakeries. 

not a mom shop. 

the heat and the fatigue showed. 

i finally quit my last customer.

it was overdue. 

a fresh need was nudging forth. 

something like a crocus peeking from the almost frozen ground. 

pushing its way out one cellular day of growth at a time. 

i did not fall into the jewelry, but rather tentatively had been adding it a little at a time

as i had been baking for money. 

folks at the pool would say they knew it was summer 

when i was beading along the water's edge.

so i began my journey and love affair with the bead. 

it morphed into other stuff. 

that now includes statement style necklaces. 

more floral things than not usually are included. 

however always something a little beaten up, chipped, old, and with a history. 

it continues to move in and out of focus 

all the time. 

and it usually offers me great joy. 

sometimes i am frustrated by it. 

however that has become evident that my needs are to embrace change. 

i resist change. 

imagine a child being asked to swallow a pill for the first time. 

it is not candy. 

it is not to be chewed usually. 

it is hopefully good for you.

wellness is a desired outcome. 

and yet, most kids balk. 

they refuse outright if they are my kids. 

and i am frustrated by the panoply of resistances to the outcome 

i know to be resultant. 

why am i so stubborn and unwilling to change?

do i fear failure? 

can't be that, i fail all the time. 

it is how i grow and build upon that. 

so what is it all?

why am i fighting tooth and nail to resist growth

and yet feel restless with my own successes?

crap, does this make me human?

guess i should put on my big girl boots, 

do some shoveling, 

forget about being so philosophical about these matters, 

walk the dog, 

tire myself out some, 

and start making my spring line of pastel infused jewelry. 

it may be time. 

and it will be valentines day soon. 

folks need these to sweeten their sweeties up. 

i really hate how i tend to go on, 

but in hindsight when i re-read these postings, 

i feel a kinship to 

'Peggy Hill'

from the illustrated cartoon, 

'King of the Hill'. 

her character is an idiot, with some oddly placed intelligence. 

i identify with this. 

and her 'musings' columns. 

perhaps, i am just waiting to be drawn. 

there is often talk of our family having its own reality series. 

we have three potential viewers. 

that is more than is enough ... for this nonsense that is part of my life. 

just a little something here to cleanse your palette. 

good luck with that. 

for one sweetheart for his sweetheart.

what a nice fellow. 

xo.w. 

money costs a lot

tonight i took my daughter to her ice hockey practice. 

not a big deal, but when questioned about the location of her coat, 

she said she didn't have one. 

HOW on EARTH did I miss THAT?

the kids have about 40 bazillion things for wear at rinks. 

they never suggest that they are cold anywhere other than in the house. 

lest you think i am truly checked out, 

our house thermometer is set at 68 degrees. 

it never feels like it is cold here. 

we keep it so horridly warm because my husband is always cold. 

it used to be that i was always too cold and wore thick sweaters inside. 

socks. second pairs of socks and boots. 

what happened?

well i am of that stage in life where i am in a tropical location on and off all day long. 

it is horrible. 

i never used to be sweaty even when i was working out. 

now, only the slightest movement makes me feel like the sweaty guy 

from SNL.

i am also oblivious as to how cold it is out, if there is no snow on the ground 

or biting wind chill. 

so i am a bad mom. 

i recognize this and try to cope with my guilt over it. 

come on, you all know i am guilt ridden for everything. 

i am sure that you all shoulder a subjective load of guilt as well. 

i spent the time that my daughter was on the ice in the search for a coat for her. 

i also seem to have missed that it was now mid january and all of the past 

few weeks have been dedicated to the local stores selling as much of their remaining stock 

as was possible. 

this all happened last week. 

so not only did i miss the sales, 

but it was for stuff we really could have used. 

when i went to look for a reasonable jacket, 

the local stores had $200.00 inventory available. 

seriously? 

a $200.00 jacket that will most likely be outgrown in a season?

and get grubby enough not to resell or hand down to some other child?

how is this all humanly possible i re-ask. 

my son all the way in maine, was included in this search. 

i sent him photos of jackets that the girl might like. 

now of course i was doing this without her

in order to make some actual progress, 

select without drama, 

and deliver at the end of her practice like a magical 

non-guilt ridden super mama. 

did not happen. 

i put two jackets on hold in two locations. 

we were planning to visit both stores to investigate both choices. 

when we returned home

i tried to find photos on line of the two styles i selected for her. 

she was not against either one. 

she just wanted to see what could be coming her way. 

i went to the kitchen and made dinner. 

while in there, she found a perfect 3rd choice. 

it is a great non-dirt-showing color, 

the right price point(much lower than in the stores),

the right cool brand, 

sturdily made, 

warm, 

and 

free shipping was part of the deal. 

who could ask for anything more?

so the girl helped me get over my ridiculous ever-present guilt pangs. 

she got a chance to get just what she wants. 

and i just have to pay for it. 

that is the easy part of the puzzle. 

ha ha ha. 

anyways, it frees me up to think about other things instead now. 

i made this little black and raw flowery necklace in a rash, half baked way. 

that was in early december. 

i never finished it fully, so i just kept moving it around. 

earlier this week i applied my interest to completing it. 

simple enough. 

how come i take forever to do these things? 

considering how many over the top designs i tend to invest in, 

this is a quickie and it is not lacking in flavor. 

this is a very good thing to keep in mind as an inventory restocking effort. 

also this week, i have spent a little overdue time recreating a necklace

for a dear friend. 

she purchased it about a decade ago and it either stretched 

or was too long to begin with. 

now is as good a time as any to reconstruct it for my very patient pal. 

this style is my oldest and most consistently sold style. 

i call it bubblemania or a party on your neck. 

there is no record of how many of this style have been made, gifted or sold. 

when it sits along your neck, 

it just has a happiness quotient all on its own. 

this little one will be sent home to roost with its true mama. 

also 

this pretty bracelet was made in a style i popped together a couple of years ago. 

she shed a few charms over time. 

not making me happy to hear this, 

i had her owner send her back to me for some 

TLC.

she was completely taken apart and remade as i would do so now. 

it is good to grow and come to some better mechanical developments

over time and experimentation. 

growth is always a good thing. 

i sent her back to her mama for some more party time and appreciations. 

she was a looker in the beginning. 

now she has vintage appeal and patina of wisdom. 

i hope she is happy going home.

she is surely more venerable now. 

finally, 

i had the chance to try to fit up an artistic friend that needed a little something. 

her plans were to go for an away game someplace. 

perhaps it will be sunny and warm? 

i neglected to ask. 

she saw a bracelet at a show we were both working at during the holiday season. 

it was retrofitted to hold a few blossoms 

to lend credence to the idea that spring will again visit... 

and that she is a very feminine woman. 

it was perhaps a mote under doubt, since she has 4 sons and her husband. 

sometimes it is harder to hang onto your feminine side

when identifying or empathizing with so many 

that have a larger amount of testosterone than you do yourself. 

this is her bracelet under construction. 

to offset my inane inability to post things quickly enough, 

i wrapped this up as soon as i finished it. 

there is no good reason to let her hang around here while i try to figure out 

shipping protocols on each individual piece to go. 

i hate shipping and surely, it hates me. 

best to move quickly and not get bogged down, trying to do the perfect thing. 

it is easy for me to do just this. 

in progresso...

rhinestones have been inserted, and the flowers have been attached. 

all is well with the world again. 

so now you see what i have been up to for the most part for a few days. 

in addition to this, i think tomorrow there will be a fresh crop of pastel 

rings, brooches, chain bracelets, floral earrings 

and necklaces. 

spring is coming, 

but valentine's day is coming sooner. 

i will regale you all with the st. valentine's day massacre that i know and love. 

surely it will bind spells and such. 

now back to my addiction to pre-bed time pinning on pinterest 

as well as finishing a necklace for a lucky beloved 

for the big Vee-day. 

love and hugs, sleep well...

xoxo. 

W.

this is a different kind of entry for me. 

it is a little bit about a friend of mine that moved away.

we no longer talk, since it is not always convenient and right there in front of me. 

we no longer bump into each other at a coffeehouse. 

or 

in planned meet-ups.

i think of her often and very fondly. 

as everyone else in life has things that they deal with...

 nadia deals with many of hers

on her blog. 

i get to keep up with stuff through reading her entries. 

she is a masterful photographer. 

her photos tell a huge story and one that she often accompanies 

with equally beautiful stories.

when i knew her, she and her husband and small canine menagerie

lived in my city.

she owned a small store called "French Dressing"

where amongst many delightful treasures, she sold some of my jewelry. 

she is a girl of Montreal. 

she understands urban contexts. 

her underpinnings are all of that origin. 

still, the country life suits her best nowadays.

if you would like to meet her through the blogging world, 

surely she would be as gracious in print as i know her to be in real life. 

i am doing this entry because i would love to share a passel of her photos. 

if you would like to see more of her hard work for yourself, 

please check her out. 

you will not be disappointed. 

if you should decide to leave a comment, feel free to tell her that i sent you. 

she ought to know she is not forgotten now that she lives elsewhere. 

http://laporterouge.blogspot.com/

and now for some of her extra pretty pics. 

there are so many more.

 these just grabbed my eye.

i am absolutely certain that she enjoys meals outside 
at her current farmhouse digs...
weather permitting. 
i would so enjoy this table in real life. 

surely she has served many a pretty fig right here. 
along with farm fresh tomatoes and 
warm crusty bread from the oven.


i would just stare up at this phenomenal chandelier for hours. 
certainly, she added to its original beauty. 
the sum of the parts exceeds their value.


these hands  
freshly harvested fruit and 
a life time of experiences. 



blueberries before the birds... 
waiting for a little more sun.


signature reads and blues




peonies are amongst my favorite flowers. 
shape and scent make it all  
worth the long wait. 

i believe this to be her chere maman, 
sitting in a cafe that reeks of francophilia. 
the woman featured is wearing a necklace i made. 
she makes it so elegant. 


i adore the shirt and the roses. 


another of my older necklaces
on store display.

another necklace serving duty,
as a headdress for a 
very pretty niece 

some wild thing also appreciating 

 another pretty necklace.

xoxo. 

W.

transitions

usually i do not take the whole new years event into consideration other than to alter 

the year when i write a check 

or date something for a good reason.

i have no need to change this now. 

i do feel however that there is a lot of stuff changing in my world. 

and it probably has as much to do with the turning over of the new calendar or page within. 

come to think of it, i didn't get a new calendar this year and i'm not sure that the mr. did either. 

so the things that are rolling over are more to do with stages of life. 

they are amorphous and therefore really more difficult to document. 

i delivered a necklace to a friend last night. 

we sat with her husband who after all these years remains as besotted as i have ever seen him. 

they looked so happy and calm as we spoke and laughed. 

strangely, i had not realized two things... 

we have now known one another for about 13 years. 

holy smokes? 

has time in fact been sliding along side of me without me recognizing its passage?

answer: yes. 

the second thing was that both of their sons called while i was at their home. 

it never in a minute occurred to me that two of their three kids have 

either graduated college

or are just starting it.

WOW!!!

i mention this because, 

my life is filled with the chaos of shuffling people, ie my kids...

to and fro. 

it feels as if time is somehow suspended with everyone else's timelines. 

i feel as if i am a pedestrian at the airport walking beside a 

moving sidewalk. 

the world is velocitizing around me. 

and for all of you scratching your heads... this is a real word. 

at least it is according to the massachusetts motor vehicle dept. 

i got my license there and they had a question about what velocitizing was. 

it is when you are driving along and the speed at which you are traveling sort of loses 

context with all that is around you... so you think you are going slower than you really are. 

so you may be inclined to speed up, but you are already going puhlenty fast. 

score one for the MA division of motor vehicles. 

so my life feels like that. 

i feel out of sync with so  many elements within it. 

you already know this if you read this with any frequency. 

once a year subscribes you to that qualification. 

what a run on thought... 

oh, you are still willing to come along for the ride? 

good. 

as for last year... i had a high school, middle school and college student in the family. 

now i have two college students and a high schooler. 

it seems hardly possible. 

and they are subjected to house rules with a large dose of interpretation. 

 the holiday visit was nice. 

only one hideous glitch, 

i had the weird chest cold/flu for days. 

it finally is vacating my chest now. 

i was febrile during christmas day. 

achy and grouchy. 

for a change i actually wrapped gifts well ahead of the day. 

so i was well able to wallow in my discomfort. 

it is really hard to tell when you have a fever while you are having hot flashes simultaneously. 

let me assure you of what i think about that confusing thermostatic wild ride, 

it really sucks. 

the kids seemed to have a lot of time spent draped on furniture, sleeping:

playing games with one another on line or on the ipad. 

sometimes they went out with their friends too. 

just a quick game of laser tag for my daughter
(she is really proud that she came in first for one of the games...
she really worries me with her applicable skills).

or some video game and pizza with the guys for the boy.  

they all recieved minimal giftings, but were happy as could be with what they got. 

it was funny, but everyone wanted boots or shoes. 

so hard to shop quietly for these... so we all compiled our fave choices. 

everything was backordered or out of color stock. 

so we ventured out into the world to take on self service shoe/boot shopping. 

halley needed some new work shoes. 

we all went to a shoe warehouse store. 

the kids helped each other try on stuff. 

graham was thrilled to have found just a great pair of boots that fit his feet 

and sort of had man heels. 

he had been wearing a pair of my husband's cast offs for a couple of years. 

they are sturdy and well made, however, they were too small. 

so he was thrilled to not only tower over his sisters 

but also to be able to let his toenails actually grow. 

small shoes are no fun. 

while we were searching for the perfect pair of black old lady shoes for hal, 

she and tess were trying on suede platform heels. 

when hal was a much smaller girl of 6, 

she would only wear flat shoes and she would fall all the time. 

it rarely happened in my presence, so i gave it little thought. 

my husband of course took her to see a couple of orthopedic specialists. 

they announced that she had something called "seaver's disease".

as she entered middle school, the falling seemed to happen more regularly. 

she really had the middle school principal worried when she fell. 

i realized and explained to him that her idol
and future dream was to become the next 

tina fey. 

she was also admittedly, to anyone who had any sense to ask, was falling on purpose. 

it was that she was working on her prat falls and trying to develop 

a vocabulary of physical humor:

accessing her inner kramer. 

he of the wild hair and seinfeld show fame. 

so you could have knocked me over with a feather the day i was at the mall, 

with all the kids and varying friends 

in the shoe dept. at Nordstroms. 

hal slipped her little tiny foot into a boot with a stilletto heel. 

then slid her other foot into the other boot. 

my god, she was born to wear heels. 

i was so amazed. 

grace, elegance, easy gait, 

all there. 

what the hell had the past few years of ortho exams been all about?

humor. 

her own humor. 

and her parents were the pitiful recipients of this hidden skill-set in magnificently heeled boots. 

so what does all of this have to do with anything? 

at the big store, looking for ugly, black, gripping soled shoes for her job,

generalized horsing around with silly boot play... 
my eyes rolling here.

she and tess tried on some wild purple suede platform heels.

contemplative decision making moment

hmmmm. 

great, but not really work related.

wild plummy flowers ...

patent leather with purple trim?

i had NO idea tess also was of this bracket of 

future owners of jimmy choo's.

they blew my mind away.

graham helping tess try a pair on. 

halley playing vanna white

we have settling down.

no longer the little chublets cruising in sneakers and flat shoes. 

now they were bodalicious and in their god-given right wearing stacked shoes. 

posing away like nicki minaj.

i am so good in these suckas.
 i don't even need to buckle them on.

Don't look at me...

well, since you are still looking at me...

i'll stick my booty out while practicing 

 the "bend and snap"

where did i go while this was all happening?

i just snapped pics of the three of them.
it was our last night together and i still hadn't made any grandparents happy.
they never have timely photos of the kids.
mostly, i think because when i actually get all three of them to sit for the camera,
at least one of them is flipping me off.
i would get really angry,
but i used to do it too.
so where can i possibly go with that and not be an enormous hypocrite?
no place.

the only trick is to let them go as they are willing to do.
eventually, their true feelings will show through.
they get too busy to bother tossing me that long finger and they just are
consumed with how funny they think they are.
and who really gives a hoot.
they are having a blast.
i try to adhere to the mode of being invisible in the car...
officially it is called the "shut-up and drive" system.
this is how many parents have found out what their teens are up to.
emulation of being on a safari.
do not disturb the fragile environment ...
take the damn photo before the lion sees you and charges your way.

this is what erupted.

a really nice and genuine group hug. 

the actors taking a break...

look who is not feeling a part of the act

reading his lines for the camera.

so as i said earlier...
there are transitions afoot.
the kids seem to really enjoy one another...
and they are all growing up just too damn fast for me.

now take a bow children. your day is done.
night everyone...

xo.xo.
W.

insomnia, waiting, patience, etc.

everyone has something about themselves that feels like a dirty little secret.

i never realized until recently, 

that my night owl habits had taken over my life. 

i guess that is my current "shhh, don't tell" item.

when my kids were little, 

i slept inadequately. 

they slept in the car as i drove around often. 

when they were all out and tucked into their respective car seats, 

i would pull over at a nice place like a beach and let them stay that way.

in those days, i could fall asleep on a dime. 

it was easy to do, 

as exhaustion was my partner. 

now, i have less of the kids at home, 

but larger financial concerns. 

there are two of them off discovering things for their lives. 

one is industrious and funny ... working her butt off. 

and i know it is hard to do stuff,
cause she has so little time. 

i think she likes things this way, since i know her to be a bit of a perfectionist. 

she has always loved sleep. 

of course it came to her late in the night... as it does to me. 

she is more of a fervent night owl than i, i think.

when she was less than a year old,
she consistently would not fall asleep in her crib

before one a.m.

she once did a header out of her crib onto the floor at midnight. 

i thought my husband had dropped something in the basement. 

nope, just the intrepid halley doing somersaults out of her crib. 

she of course did not get hurt at all,
since her floor was covered with doubled up rugs. 

that and she has always had a remarkably high tolerance

for bumps and such. 

the boy, well he is and always has been able to assess a situation. 

he determines all that is essential for him to achieve a certain level. 

one that he finds ok. 

 nothing short of moving the earth off of its axis will convince him 

to put more work into something. 

that is, unless he likes it. 

so he is finding himself these days.
his first semester as a freshman has been a little bit of a doozy.

nicking off one intolerable item at a time. 

and i must just bear with the choices he makes. 

now they become 'make or break' choices. 

i can influence him no more. 

at least i feel like that is what is going on.
again, i wait as he makes up his mind about things
 that have nothing to do with nursing, his major.

and the widget. 

she is very disciplined,
however she is honestly dealing with a lot of idiots these days. 

the other two did it before her... but she is not as forgiving or lazy/accepting.
things get under her skin and she does not let go.
i totally get this.
i see a career in law in her future.
she takes some teachers to task.
they relent.
only after she explains her reasoning to them.
(like how can they test the class on material not assigned yet?)

she cannot abide how poorly her teachers work to educate her on many days. 

she has been on full tilt about her math teacher lately. 

she expresses that it feels as if he hates her, 

he has told her that she only irritates him.
she also says that another math teacher would not do any good.
she understands the material... she does not understand the teacher himself.

what teacher would tell a student that she irritates him?
frankly, i gave little credit to the other two and their complaints.
i under-estimated how bad some of these people were to cope with on a regular basis. 

 i have been through varietal issues with representatives
of the academic and the administrative 

sections of the school.
the vice principal lied to my face and that of her principal a couple of weeks ago.
i can see why no one likes her.
she is a full-tilt bully.
the principal, is a really nice guy, and a little out of place there.
he bought new suits this year, making him look sharp.
he now sports a van dyke beard, also looking sharp.
he also snagged a nifty pair of glasses to make him look smart.
they are not prescription and are just there as props.
the kids have his number.
which is sad, cause he really does have their best interests at heart.
and they don't really respect him.
i feel badly for him.

what always amazes me in spite of the lackluster professionalism,
 is that the students are fantastico.
in spite of the fact that 

the faculty is hit or miss, as is the administration,

it is the kids that get each other through and one good guidance counselor. 

so paying for college is a big thing in my world. 

the kids have done what they could to get there and deserve the best that i can offer. 

in saying this, i find that my current resources are finite. 

i find this to be frustrating. 

things depend on my being fully functional. 

and this insomnia seems to be kicking my ass. 

things NEED to get done. 

 when i am dragging all around my home, 

they are not getting done as quickly as i might like. 

there are other predicaments at hand. 

you know that old saying that some things just take too long to finish? 

and it is like watching paint dry? 

well i am literally waiting for paint to dry. 

since it is oil based paint, aka enamel...

it is best done outside. 

the fumes are both noxious and they can amass to create a hazard with our gas heat. 

kaboom comes to mind. 

also it is a little cold out. 

it being winter in new england and all, 

in spite of the mildness so far. 

it makes outdoors painting less productive. 

the best temperature for curing the paint is around 7o degrees. 

that is not what we got going on right now. 

so i must wait and do things in teensy, incremental batches... 

and wait 

and wait some more. 

while the kids were home for their breaks, 

 i waited to start my projects. 

it was harder to move the sofa while someone was napping on it.

 guess what?
i needed to move some furniture around. 

that and release my death grip on some unused crap. 

it is piled on piles and then sorted into piles on top of other piles. 

my mr. is really great just tossing stuff. 

i really need to just do it.
 as it always happens, 

whatever i toss is something i am looking for and 

will have to repurchase to do my projects with. 

truly i frustrate myself. 

today i spent time in the basement on a 15 minute timer. 

it was a useful exercise. 

clean all that you can in small increments.

 this will allow you to quit if you need to or continue if you feel the love. 

i can't wait to try some more increments. 

i decided to bring my camera to the basement 

where the big dig is being processed. 

this way i can document what 15 minutes will afford me. 

if i can get some of this done, to my own picky satisfaction, 

then i can move some stuff around. 

i look forward to that. 

when i get some movement made, on my own to-do list, 

my husband will be able to use his own work area again.

i am thrilled at the prospect of less glaring at me for taking part of it over. 

i am sure i already mentioned this. 

but again, i wait for paint to dry, so i have materials to work with. 

as i try to drift off, 

my mind fills with all of these things. 

what could be relocated where?

how can i repurpose something storage-like and on wheels?

where should i put all of my books that are wonderful resources, 

but currently not in use?

and more. 

a big goal is to get everything off of the floor. 

perhaps some satisfaction in accomplishing that will allow me to sleep. 

i am unsure if it is caffeine, 

excitement, 

planning, 

or potential growth...

it feels like the night before going on a trip

every time. 

 i have a bunch of new ideas becoming implemented.

there are some new styles of things to add to my line of jewelry. 

after investigating some of these techniques that i would like to use, 

i feel like they will work out. 

i just need to get them started. 

fresh things. 

oooh how juicy. 

so you can perhaps see that i am stuck 

and on the edge of an exciting precipice. 

these are the last bunch of flowers i colored up. 

now i feel that some softer things for the spring/summer are going to be explored. 

and some more peppery, pungent and neon things too. 

perhaps i will even learn the beauty of production line constructions

for my own world. 

this too, is exciting. 

more ideas. 

more executions. 

maybe even more of that elusive slumber. 

don't know yet... 

could happen. 

i am gonna give it another try...

zzzzzzzzzz.

xo

w.

naming of the construction... day of the dead part 3

as the day of the dead competition is near its end, 

i will try to regale you with why i named my entry:

"Twenty Flowers for Catrina".

mind you, i had no actual name picked until i was told that it was desired. 

it was essential to the rules of the contest. 

i had a pretty big show in boston that saturday, 

so i cobbled together some gibberish from WIKEPEDIA

and GOOGLE images 

to help me comply. 

i actually learned a fair amount just glossing over this info as well.
it is good to keep something fresh in the mental hopper...
if only to serve as future compost or to yell out at alex trebek
while enjoying JEOPARDY.

the day of the dead is celebrated in a lot of places.
it is commonly known by Americans
as a festival in Mexico where families honor their dead.
or more to the point, their ancestors.
in earlier, pre-Hispanic times, skulls were kept as trophies and
displayed during rituals to symbolize life and death.

there is a "day of the innocents" or "day of the angels"
celebrated on Nov. 1, which is the celebration of children.
the following day is the "day of the dead".
at this time people go to cemeteries to build altars to their relatives.
the hope is that they will entice their souls to visit the living.
this celebration is planned for over a year often
and many offerings are prepared for its occasion.

amongst the decorations on the grave sites are
Mexican Marigolds.
according to the info i acquired from Wikipedia:
the marigolds are also called cempasúchil. 
this comes from the  Nahuatl term for the flower zempoalxochitl,
 literally translated as "twenty flower".

i actually counted the flowers in my necklace, finding there to be
twenty two in use.
(i got a little loose with that interpretation, it was close though so i went with it.)
(and i was feeling a little lyrical with the whole process).
this is where i got the flowery part of my name from... 
since i had both used marigold flower colors,
 all orangey and yellow and reddened,
it seemed pleasing to cob that traditional component in the naming. 


it does bear a weird personal element as well. 
we cultivated loads and loads of marigolds in our gardens growing up,
 since they are very bright, stand up to whatever bad gardening skills i have, 
and smell pungent.
 organically, they are useful to ward off those pesky no-see-um bugs 
that always ferret me out of any pack for snacking on. 
dang my vitamin B scent. 
they were also my grandfather's favorite flower. 

this always figured largely in my mom planting them by the flats. 

it made her father happy.

it seemed a relatively easy progression to follow. 


back to the naming process...
about Catrina...
(this part is cut and pasted from the wikipedia info on catrina)
La Calavera Catrina 
('The Elegant Skull')
 is a 1910 zinc etching
by Mexican printmaker José Guadalupe Posada. 
The image has since become a staple of Mexican imagery,
 and often is incorporated into artistic manifestations of the dios del muertos. 

this Catrina is the skeleton of an upper class woman,

 and  remains one of the most popular figures of the Day of the Dead. 

so i put two components together;

the elegant Catrina with traditional pretty marigolds

 to come up with

"Twenty Flowers for Catrina"

i hope this helps clarify things.

time to hit the hay...

xo

w.