mr. clean's messy disciple.

i have a heap of cleaning to do. 

and you all know how little i enjoy that. 

yet...

last night after all the monkeys were in their beds,

i had a date with some windex, a trash barrel or two as well as the vacuum cleaner. 

my husband tends to go to sleep much earlier than i do. 

and he wakes most days a lot earlier too. 

so we live in weird little shifts. 

i am just a night owl, with only some remorse. 

it had to happen though, so i closed the doors on the way to our bedroom

 in our crackerbox houselet. 

allowing for the noise of the vacuum doing its helpful thing.

really, hubby can sleep if he is tired and is a lot happier with a cleaner home. 

and so am i. 

the motivation is always money and a small rube goldberg-ian plan. 

i have been so busy this summer that i haven't put many of my pack-ratted 

things i use away. 

once i have done it, i need them almost immediately. 

so the clutter builds all over again. 

imagine though, that your business is on-line and requires some photos. 

things that represent what you have to sell? 

and you cannot find your camera!!!!!!!!

so i went on a minor cleaning rampage. 

not angry or fist shaking in style, 

rather productively,

just organizing and putting things back to where they may be found later. 

in this, i eventually did find my camera. 

i am mortified to admit even to myself that

it was about 6 inches to my right, in the crack of my chair where i was sitting. 

but.

the need for removing shed dog hair (from my "non-shedding" breed)

 and picking up the large can of silver head pins  that i had dropped accidentally

 a few weeks ago... 

it just got to be too much. 

the hair,  the dust and the intermingled pins had finally pushed me over the edge.

this mess needed to be sorted and cleaned up. 

i luckily kept the pins and threw the dusty dog bunnies into the trash. 

and one good trash chucking deserves another 

and another. 

and if inspired, a few more.

so i kept at it until i was falling asleep sorting stuff while still sitting up. 

not only did i find my camera, 

BUT...

HUGE BONUS!!!!

i also found some teensy marquis shaped and bezzled dangling rhinestones i have been searching all over for, for nearly 3 years. 

naturally, i put them someplace safe.

 they were right next to my chair within a project i had on hold. 

i really hate this part of my personality. 

i seem to put things away as if i were drunk at the time; 

making certain,

 i can find them in the exact place i might look for them when i sobered up.

i may have to resume drinking to get a hold of my own 

personality oddities. 

if i have to, i will. 

a nice chardonnay or gin with tonic 

may be a good answer to my head full of swiss cheese. 

i would shake my head at myself more, but i would surely develop shaken adult syndrome. 

i am uncertain any physician would see that as a real problem. 

anyways, i am still on the hunt and capture mode to corral some more dust pupsters. 

and then off to the DMV. 

my daughter lost her state i.d. last school year when her wallet was stolen 

from her classroom.

(naturally, she was not with it in the room at the time...)

 she needs a real ID  to perform her 

sophomoric duties this upcoming year. 

she will be returning to school to move into an apartment this time. 

also it is  within a week of her brother leaving the nest for his premiere on U.Maine's campus. 

so many mixed sensibilities.

i hope that my youngest is aware of what the unedited me is going to be like. 

she enjoys a lot of independence now. 

way ahead of the schedule her siblings took grasp of. 

i may either be a mentally absentee parent or laser-like in my focus upon her life. 

it may get to be too much for her. 

my attentions have been shattered over the past decades... splintered into pieces to manage the other two teen's lives, 

hubby dearest's food needs / hockey mania ... 

and my own 

interests in  jewelry and vintage stuff.

which i suppose brings me full circle... and back to some more cleaning. 

they boy's room is now unoccupied but filthy.  

 i threatened him with the plan to create a sewing haven in there for me. 

shockingly, he seemed hurt, but really relieved that he didn't need to pick up after himself. 

we shall see what happens by thanksgiving break. 

anyways... i am off to enjoy a hot coffee on this glorious day. 

kitchen, you are after the bathroom, 

so enjoy your privacy and unswept ways for another day. 

your day will be coming sooner than you expect. 

HINT: 

paint, 

most minimal carpentry ever in existence, 

paint,

T.S.P. washing your walls,

perhaps more paint, 

curtains...

 and a swept floor. 

yes, you know you want it. 

so be patient a little longer. 

xoxo. 

w. 

College prep...the boy's moving day

i know some folks are curious about the whole kid going to college thing.

i had one of mine do this last year. 

i watched my husband openly cry over her move to boston, as we headed back to the car to head home without her. 

bringing my son and his wealth of personal stuff to his new digs in Maine was going to be equally tough. 

or worse. 

i have spent the summer saturdays with graham setting up my tent and lugging tent weights along with my assorted inventory to the Providence Open Market 

and other shows. 

in spite of the generally hard work it has taken to do these income earning tasks, there has been one  constant delight. 

graham. 

now after almost 18 years, 

i needed to let him spread his wings and pursue his own interests. 

i figure, that they include girls, girls, girls...sans family nosiness

and 

sports 

and 

eating what and when he feels like it 

and 

his education. 

his goal as i know it currently is to become: GG, male nurse.

i couldn't be happier for him. 

he knows already how to put socks on geriatrics since his dad and i have trained him for this. 

his past two summers working at RI Hospital have trained him to wash dentures, and reset them into their owners' mouths, 

clean sheets and make beds, 

take a decent message without mumbling, 

feed folks who can't do it for themselves, 

change adult diapers, 

fold laundry, 

and be all around agreeable to all of these tasks for not much over minimum wage. 

i think he will be a stellar addition to the nursing community. 

we drove to maine with him and all of his junk. 

his roommate was already moved into their room. 

and he is a really nice seeming fellow from providence too. 

they knew each other and chose to room together. 

i fear for other students there. 

they are both pretty charming. 

graham and marquise

clearly, our late start to drive northwards, in a pre-hurricane environment did not mess up the basic moving in process. 

we drove and arrived and were directed to graham's dorm. 

about 20 kids were there to greet us and unload our car. 

not only did they unload, but they carried it all up to the room while a very brief signing in process was underway. 

i did NOTHING. 

we went to the dorm room, 

where  i watched my boy unload all of his stuff. 

he enjoyed making his bed and showing off the hospital corners. 

(heaven knows i tried to teach him that, but when it comes to learning, he does everything on his own time-line.)

he put his clothes into his dresser drawers. 

he unloaded his bathroom sundries into his shower caddy.

it was all unpacked, made, cleaned, and sorted by the time my husband had parked the car and come up to the room. 

we chatted a little, 

he showered, 

we all thought we would walk to the ice rink and check it out. 

we were wrong. 

graham and marquise sent us packing and went to the dining hall for some early dinner. 

they had meetings to go to. 

so we said adios. 

and went to check into the sparest motel room ever for a good night's rest. 

chris and i felt graham was missing a lot of stuff, like notebooks and ibuprofen. 

we went to dinner, but were warned that there was an hour wait. 

leaving our name for a table, 

we re-parked our car a few hundred feet up the hill at Target.

the boy got all sorts of things, like a light, 

ethernet cable(just like the ones i threw out the week before... ugh. ) 

cookies, 

notebooks, 

chips,

folders, 

water,

tweezers for splinters(you never know...),  

gatorade, 

etc. 

we returned to the resto and they immediately called our name to be seated. 

it all falls into place sometimes. 

we ate, 

went back to our motel room, 

slept, 

drank coffee upon waking, 

and went to find some breakfast. 

i asked our server for iced coffee and she had never heard of that. 

live and learn. 

maine may not be ready for me yet. 

then we went back to see graham on his way to start his day. 

he, M and i brought up all of the stuff we had gotten at target the night before. 

he left all the bags full on the floor and we went to the dining hall. 

he had a bowl of fruit loops with chocolate milk and marquise downed a pair of pizza slices with a hamburger. 

it took all the time that a discussion about what local bank to use took. 

basically, in a wink. 

cause now that the boy was where he was waiting to get to, 

our advice was superfluous. 

we went out of the dining hall and tried to say goodbye for real. 

my husband got all weepy again and would not take a picture. 

i did too, but i was damned to have one. 

of course, brushing my hair this week, might have improved that outcome. 

however, it somehow did not seem like much of a priority. 

the boy looks pretty danged happy. 

and i miss the hell out of him. 

no surprises. 

we left to deal with the gutters at home, 

the porch-bound stuff not housed yet in the garage and assorted logistics for hurricane prep. 

food. 

toilet paper. 

white bread. 

milk.

 after all, we are rhode islanders now. 

so that is all the news from lake ohwoeisme.

xoxo. 

W.

Recent events...

dare i say, i have a lot of ongoing dreamy sequences in my mind. one of many that plays over and over is the possibility i may have lived in another time; one a long time ago. i fantasize that i was a cross country settler or lived in pioneer times. i suppose everyone has fantasies about different timeline challenges and successes. mine are not stupendously different. however, my thoughts during exploration of one are so silly by contemporary standards, that i have rarely told anyone about them.  

this line of daydreams has been brought forth by our recent visitor "Irene". she is a testy wench who brought lots of tree damage and water and winds. it was just on the heels of taking my son to college 5 1/2 hours away from home. that will be the subject of a different rambling in case you were concerned. 

and now back to my pioneer fantasies...

a few summers ago, there was a reality tv show that featured a group of folks that were dressed up in pioneer clothes, cooked the way that they used to, had social structures developed by the standards of the times as well as morals and values from those days. 

since tv pickings are mighty slim during summer months and with the heinously ill timed financial sucking up that PBS does during august... i watched a couple of the show's episodes. they were not all that interesting except for watching how inane people of our time fail epically at simple tasks and basic skills. 

i wonder exactly how bossy and opinionated i might be myself within these constraints... were i to visit them. i know i could bake stuff and cook food, since heaven knows i have some experience with that. i also see that the need to clean house would be a little less stringent... and more to my own slovenly style of housekeeping. as clever as americans were in those many years before this century, no literature i read has included tales of an electrolux vaccum and its ability to absolve housekeepers like me. 

i think i could handle washing clothes at a stream or boiling some tub full of water for laundry in a more domestic setting. since these challenges are not in my current lifetime's vision, i can't verify this. 

medication needs would be suspicious... the ones that many of us take daily for good balance of health, well they would really be missed a lot. i doubt it would be good for my family if we were without them. our previous health conditions may eliminate us from this kind of reality tv. just as pre-existing conditions can remove one from health/life insurance coverage.

then there is the form of entertainment. what could we possibly use? oh yeah, likely it would be more hard work. the teens that spend their times on the computers or with hand held devices, might have some sporty things to pursue. my tendencies would be directed toward a racquet sport with woven wood frames for some badminton or something similar. my daughter tess may like some hockey or lacrosse styled game with a stick and a ball. there might be some running, there might be some catching, who knows, they may even like baseball or football analogues. it is all possible when flipping around through time, the necessity of fighting some boredom and expending excess energy might capture some of our 21st century athletic hobbies. it seems hard to imagine without the support of driving the kids someplace to do something.  their pursuits might be so simple that hanging around the house to play, might cause someone to explode.

honestly, i suspect my oldest would revert to her choice of reading,writing and drawing, that is if she were to find herself with some free time. those have always been standby entertainers for her. i might even join in her reindeer games. 

i think though, that  i would find myself ensconced in my love of needle crafts. i have ALWAYS wanted to shear sheep to gain their fluffy coats. this is what would entertain my interests in wooly treatments :carding,  spinning, natural plant dyeing, knitting, weaving, felting, and embroidering their stolen woolen tresses. i figure i might trade some hanks of berry toned and soft muddy greens to someone for some cotton feed-sacks. ones that could be sewn into proper dresses , curtains, upholstered furniture( horse hair stuffed) and even some attention drawn to making  quilts.  can you tell how much i have thought about all of these skills i have? or would try to learn? onesthat are sort of easily dismissed in our current phase of living except by other fiber artists? 

there might be some pressure to go to church. however i think i could dodge that. folks are very willing to go and sing off-key but en masse, and take a break from all the work essential to surviving,might enjoy church. i personally would be grateful for some biscuits and sunday dinner. of course i would be delighted to stay home to prepare that. i am ridiculously ill prepared for fire and brimstone or conversations that include it. always the uncomfortable non-conformist here. 

anyways, i think with the every day needs  of so many shelter and food harvesting tasks that were done for comfort and safety, nobody would have too much free time. i sure could enjoy some free time, but i am likely to fill it in with some more valuable and productive efforts. 

i do think that there would be fewer folks including myself that adhere to night owl hours. the lack of light alone could curtail explorations into 

productivity. seeing how to do stuff is a good part of how i get things done. i figure i might be tired or light challenged  enough, to sleep more. and sleep more in conventional hours at that. so it boils down to a major life style change to get me to sleep more normal hours. 

it just all seems that living in a revisited time rather than what i am comfortable with could be done. perhaps if only for a short span. i would truly hate it all after a while, but it sure would be interesting to try. 

i am thinking about all  of this of course. my trusty computer is able to record my thoughts as i spill them out in little tappings. i know i only have the 3 hrs and 17 minutes of juice  remains in its charged state. it is not possible to add it to the internet, since our router for such tasks remains disconnected. these are the inconveniences created for those of us in this house without power. the one hit wonder, by dixie and the midnight raiders... " come on irene" is in play on my mental tape deck. Irene has dropped in uninvitedly to share her wildly uncontrolled and erratic winds, her mix of low air  pressure, deluging  rains and flying tree limbs for a visit. 

happily, she does not pinch cheeks as she visits, but she does other irksome things. the main one is eliminate our power source. she reminds me quickly of my addiction to anything electrically supported. and my deep dependence upon it all. 

so thanks for the visit Irene, now please, GET OUT. i like being electrically addicted and only thinking about how i might live in a different time. i am ultimately too lazy to pursue such a lifestyle for any length of time. 

even if only a few hours. 

******

not that i have been totally asleep this week,

 but i have harvested a few blossoms for creative uses too. 

 a fresh new cache of earrings in progress

 and a few brooches that are up for some loving...

 chain bracelet flowers... 

moving into autumnal/wintry days ahead...

xoxo. w. 

the countdown...

the countdown is beginning. 

and i am ok. 

the boy and i went college prep shopping yesterday. 

and then we got burgers to go for lunch. 

i think he is in for an awakening. 

no more pesky little sister vogueing through the house,

no more bonding with his older sister,

no more hockey skating with dad in the old fart's games, 

no more hanging and working with me, 

and worst of all, 

no more puppy loving. 

at least for a while. 

 

after the boy is delivered to his new world, 

i get to start all over with the girl. 

she will be coming home still though... as she enjoys getting closer and closer to the joys of an effective bite, a stupendous smile and braces-free living. 

which leaves me with my widget and my curmudgeon. 

and my doggie. 

i think i can, i think i can...

and now for a cup of joe. 

xoxo.w.


a poem sent to me by my friend christine heenan:
My Son the Man
Suddenly his shoulders get a lot wider,
the way Houdini would expand his body
while people were putting him in chains. It seems
no time since I would help him to put on his sleeper,
guide his calves into the gold interior,
zip him up and toss him up and
catch his weight. I cannot imagine him
no longer a child, and I know I must get ready,
get over my fear of men now my son
is going to be one. This was not
what I had in mind when he pressed up through me like a
sealed trunk through the ice of the Hudson,
snapped the padlock, unsnaked the chains,
and appeared in my arms. Now he looks at me
the way Houdini studied a box
to learn the way out, then smiled and let himself be manacled.
--Sharon Olds

finally some calming floral notes...

yes, i have prattled on indecently about how many familial events are worrying my caffeinated/decaffeinated existence. 

i would like to assure you that this is not gonna be one of them. 

the weather is absolutely perfect for the joy of painting. 

i have both the flowers, 

the colors, 

and a palette in mind. 

let's just see if i can hold them all in good stead and stick to the plan. 

the plan is for rich colors. 

reddish, brightest pink. 

white, edged with sumpin' good. 

brown, yeah, i said it. 

burgundy.

PURPLES!!!

and 

greens.... leafy lush olive, bright and nearly white. 

i realize that the fashion forecast calls for browns and tans. 

together. 

i may have to play nice with this, but i am not gonna suck up to it. 

i am not a huge fan of brown or tan. 

however, if you put some creamy pearls, some warm brass, a little tea tinted white 

all together,  i totally could get on board with that. 

as a matter of fact, i have a request to make something along those lines

 for a nice and patient woman somewhere out in the ether that etsy lives in. 

her interest is in something of a necklace that is based upon a group of bracelets i made 

a while back. 

"Victorian Sensible"

a bracelet

i feel a reprisal is coming ...

and let me just say, jewel tones. 

they NEVER fail to go out of style in the autumn. 

perhaps i am old and a little jaded. 

i just think that my strength and happiness 

fall into keeping my own ideas about a palette intact. 

so i am uncertain as to what will strike my fancy per se, 

but something will. 

and i will try to be open to it, as well as share it with you. 

you may be open to bucking the fashionistas doctrines 

to follow your own heart just as i try to do.

this is what i made for the NY gift showing.

it is for me, another take on my neutral interpretations of white and browns. 

i survive with the addition of pinks in things. 

perhaps no one has rosy colored glasses anymore? 

it is just lightly tinged and enough to warm the entire composition. 

and it does speak to me. 

thanks for listening in...

and all. 

xoxo. 

W.

volatile

my household has been rather a hot mess of late.

everyone is getting on everyone else's last nerve.

i have been working like a mad woman all summer, to try to reach for the brass ring. 

aka, tuition monies. 

my husband is working too, but has endured a couple of injuries. 

thus keeping his own bad attitude of frustration within arms reach and on the sofa. 

the older two kids are wrapped up in the mysteries of their jobs.

the elder is getting her feet wet with all the weirdness that is both retail sales and food service. 

if anyone should be appreciative of quirks and eccentricities, 

i think it would be her. 

she is an artist. 

and it is all fodder for her future. 

it is also great for her to see how many different people are out there that we as her parents have tried to cope with over the years as two independent workers. 

flexibility of scheduling is a plus when you have kids, so as hard as self employment is, this is a definite job perk.

i know this access to flexible living is essential,

 as it has been the cornerstone of my experiences over the past two decades.

just this week, 

the boy called me to pick him up from his job, which has been a little dicey,

 but approached cheerfully each day. 

i have dreaded this pick-up consideration, since there is a lot of traffic at the front circle of the hospital where his chosen meet-up spot has been.

there are city buses, transpo mini-buses, wheelchair bound patients, a steady flow of folks coming in and out to visit or to work. 

oh and there is a testy woman who stands guard

 over this always busy intersection of activity. 

she is one of the security guards at the hospital. 

and she is very happy to ask me to move along in her very gruff manner. 

seriously, i appreciate her having to do her job, but could she just be a little more ....

i don't know, uh pleasant about it? 

we seem to go at it every day. a little politeness would surely go a lot further...that and she does not remember me at all. 

i think the big shaggy dog in the back seat might be a tip off... 

but it seems that she is already set in her ways, 

and i need to minimize confrontational interactions at all costs. 

it helps in the big scheme of things. 

just get in and get out asap. 

anyways,

 the boy called me as i was tucking an important task into my weekly to-do lists.

he wanted to know if i would do him a favor. 

it was the kind of favor that required being at home.

i was not. 

he had forgotten to take his dental retainers with him that morning to work with him. 

why? 

because he had an orthodontist's appointment. 

it was scheduled for 3:20 p.m.

it was then 3:23 .

so i finished up my stuff as quickly as it was possible...

drove home, got the retainers,

zipped as fast as was possible to the hospital to reclaim the boy, 

(in late afternoon quagmire traffic)

forfeited the tangle with the cranky guard,

dropped him at the ortho's office,

and crumpled in the front seat of my car. 

it seemed like it was time for a nice iced coffee.

 so i went over to my haven at Starbucks just down the street. 

did the parking lot tetrus game, 

in my crapmobile without power steering, 

and got the phone call. 

the boy was done. 

he is a lot of work some days, in spite of his general good nature. 

and he does hold back on some of his daily interactions... but sometimes he shares. 

generally he is pretty sanguine about them... at least for a nearly 18 year old guy. 

his summer has been filled at work, with folding laundry, feeding the elderly, putting dentures into older folks' mouths, answering phones, and wiping geriatric butts and lady parts. 

i gotta give him chops for this. 

so flexibility is key to being a parent to these folks. 

but sometimes, such as last night and the night before, i was duly challenged. 

ridiculously so. 

the details are not as essential, although basically as interesting as anything i may prattle on about here. 

it is the legendary stuff that mother and daughter relationships are hinged upon. 

it is now very tense generally in my home, as has been mentioned. 

just to put the cherry on the sundae,

my daughter wrote a snarky little piece on her blog about it. 

just enough to send me over the edge. 

my sarcastic self was tweaking with the rage that it inspired in me. 

for years, i have stated that one ought NEVER, EVER, EVER post anything on the internet that you do not want someone sometime to read. 

i know i have said this a hundred times at least. 

but my darling daughter shared with her friends ala tumblr... that her parents had a fight. 

this is normal for anyone in a relationship to let out all the pressures on their mate.

this is what happened between my husband and me. 

i still am pretty angry about how it happened.  

but i have enough experience with this to know that , 

it is how it is resolved that is important. 

and talking about what is not your business, or intellectual property,

 is gonna have a "volatile" outcome. 

this house is one match strike away from an emotional powder keg exploding.

not that everyone doesn't feel this way sometimes, 

i just wish i didn't these days.

another thing that happened earlier in the day,

 was that i went to the market to buy some dinner ingredients. 

as i went back to my car to drive home, 

i saw a glint on the asphalt. 

it was a brand new, freshly minted credit card. 

i had ridiculous thoughts asap... 

that went in a full circle to opening up the computer 

and looking up the name on the card via the internet white pages. 

naturally, there was no one by the name of the card owner 

showing its face on my computer screen. 

so i took a stab in the pile and went for one of the three options. 

i called one woman, thinking the card may belong to her husband or a relative. 

i wound up getting her daughter-in-law. 

this woman was actually related to the card holder. 

she was his step-mother. 

so i gave her directions to the powder keg house 

and agreed upon a time to have her come and collect the card. 

i somehow did not trust the mail on this one.

she passed my phone number on to her stepson's wife, whom she thought owned the card. 

i spoke with her too. 

it turned out that the card belongs to yet another member of that family tree. 

who then called me as well. 

so i am awaiting a mystery member of this family tree to pick up the card in an hour. 

i think i am going to have to check id for this to pass. 

all i know is that i have played telephone with a bunch of folks from the same family.

and here is the odd part... 

as is often the way of my world, 

the last name on the card is deeply ironic to me. 

i have been giggling about it since i found it. 

it is 

VOLATILE. 

seriously, i could not have found a better name or word to describe my life right now. 

and on this note, i shall defer to the wisdom of a cup of coffee and a shower. 

should try to look like a human when a Volatile family member comes to reclaim their card. 

(i hope it is a peaceful exchange!)

and yes, only in Rhode Island could one get to pick one name out of millions and have 3 family members play "telephone" to ultimately get the right message. 

xoxo. 

W.  

self doubt

ugh. 

i hate when this revelry of self doubt settles in. 

i know i have given my all to raising kids. 

(cupcakes were iced on the trunk of my car so i could get them to the daughter for her birthday in her classroom. just an example of my devotion).

and i know in the big scheme of things that things could have been a whole lot worse. 

for example, my almost 18 year old son was out with his friends til 

roughly 12:30 a.m. the other night. 

i realized as the clock hands were stretching past midnight, i never told him what time i expected him home. 

it never occurred to me that i ought to. 

i kind of trust him. 

he was fine, albeit tired and went to bed when he got home. 

i was more surprised that i realized that i was in this position. 

my daughter is a few months from 20.

i do not worry about her hours coming in either. 

as we both know, her having a curfew is a silly premise. 

she has a job, she has assumed responsibility for her dental care, 

and she could be eating ice cream for dinner. 

but these days, those final days before her turning the odometer over,

 are testing my capacity to hold my tongue. 

i had forgotten as she is about to be a sophomore, that she is still a teenager. 

earlier this evening she did something that reminded me that this is the case and to keep my inner pollyanna informed. 

my dear friend susan tells me often enough

 that God gives us  teenagers,

 so that we can remember to let go. 

letting go may be a water-work experience in the coming days. 

i am channeling the fountains at Versailles. 

i am unsure if i am going to purely miss these young adult-packaged people 

or if i am going to be crying out of previously unassumed dangerously high levels of anger. 

Ima thinking a mix of the two is likely. 

{i cry when i am angry, which confuses people here. they think i am sad.}

so please if you are able, send a little wish heavenwards to keep me on track.

i just need to hold out a few more days. 

less than two weeks if i count correctly. 

***

in response to the discomfort i am experiencing, from all too many fronts,

loads of fresh bracelets are under construction today.

there are orders that are coming from my NY gift show (NYIGS)

exposure. 

hopefully, i will have some stuff that should be made. 

i am looking towards a diversion from the kids going back to school.

every member of this house is barking mad today. 

well everyone except the dog, who remains even-keeled and devoted. 

and inappropriately barking free.

i will keep him.

wish me luck and all. i am certain that i need it. 

xo. w.

changes...

within the next few weeks, there will be a lot of adjustments to make.

firstly and the most scary is the chance that i will be talking to my husband with greater frequency. if not in fact, in theory. 

1}

i expect a few more open spaces in our conversational opportunities. 

you know those pregnant pauses that used to be smack dab in the middle of every discussion?

i believe they were filled to the max, by the outgrowth of my pregnancies themselves. 

so many interruptions over the past two decades. 

so many branches on any chat, formulated by 

questions,

requests, 

squabblings,

and on very rare occasions, 

thinking. 

2}

a more reasonable bathroom schedule. 

or do i mean manageable. 

recently, i went away and shared a room with two other moms each with 3 kids. 

the only one of us who needed to lock the bathroom door was the 10 year old daughter that accompanied one of us. 

i am so familiar with 5 people sharing a toilet, shower and sink.

simultaneously. 

NO PRIVACY wears on me. 

this may be a real delight ultimately. 

3}

the grocery shopping.

two palates no longer needing to be accommodated. 

this ought to reduce the food costs enough to pay for the braces. 

i am truly looking forward to this. 

i also am excited about not hiding food. 

no one here can eat just a couple of cookies. they disappear by the sleeves. 

3 kids, no oreos. 

i hate this, is it the new math perhaps?

the locusts will be using dining halls to feed themselves from

as both a primary food source as well as being challenged to cooking for her own self. 

4}

laundry,

i have no idea why it costs so much to keep things updated. 

all we humans used to need was a stream, a rock and the sun. 

now we need oxyclean, 

to cover our inability to move coffee urns (at work) 

without spilling and staining white work shirts. 

we need non-bleach detergent to wash our light and brightly colored clothing. 

we need something to cover the towels which seem to all have a mottled expression. i am so sick of this. it is due to the inappropriate addition of bleach to the washer. 

direct additions into the water,

 rather pouring a miracle cleaner,bleach, into the little built-in cuppy thing on the side of the machine, it is poured directly into the water.

people, this cup is there to prevent all sorts of bleach to cloth interface mishaps. 

i dare not suggest using the washer the way it was designed.

and yes, this is my husband's domain. 

he decided to help out and do the laundry for the household about a decade ago,

lessening my household management needs.  

since then, we all have grown tolerant of the greigeness that has ensued.

just separating the whites, lights and jeans would hold a big change in the outcome. 

it is not a fight i want to take on.

at least not until we return to a family of 3.

at this time, i would like to insert my technical home ec. education and experiences 

back into the fray. 

 i dream of winning out by taking on proper bleaching technique and mechanical drying to remove the inevitable funky smells which are captured in the towels. 

i have goals. 

i hope to achieve them. 

i can't believe i want to try to do laundry again. 

and of course the concept of placing cleansed items in drawers is going to be very cathartic. 

truly, i love the orderliness of drawers, especially when it is tidy and neat. 

its potential is very satisfying. 

5}

cooking.

generally speaking, my husband eats what i serve him. 

this will be nice to return to. 

the little widget can get to liking my food finally, without comment. 

her other recourse will be cereal or pb&j. 

i am tired of running a special needs kitchen. 

one that feels a lot like a kosher kitchen, 

where the dairy and meat may not touch in any manner. 

6}

sleeping. 

the widget will have her room back and the lower of the bunk beds, which she prefers. 

i plan to invest in a new space age technological mattress. 

sleeping is a gift from the gods, and i really like it. 

being comfortable once again, really appeals to me. 

7}

i would like to think that on the seventh item, we rested.

but that might be sunday, and that is when hockey is played. 

so there will only be one kid to ferry about for sports this autumn. 

i am looking towards this really joyously. 

and she doesn't wear braces. 

so that too is a huge joy. 

less outgoing dollars for gas and orthodonture. 

i may wet myself with joy. 

anyways, 

i am going googly about how these small changes, may wield big results. 

as always, the territorialism of our world will be less filled with friction. 

i am going to take over some of my son's domain. 

i want to sew again, yet it is too hard to do in the basement. 

not enough light. 

so i better just do it. 

i hope to keep things interesting, when my world gets less clogged. 

xxoo. 

W.

harvesting season

what a busy time of the year... 

i am really glad that i don't have to harvest foodstuffs for human or animal consumption.

what with all the flowers i am putting in the way of

 necklaces and bracelets,

rings and brooches,

statements pieces both larger-scaled and demure alike.

it is all making me feel like a little bit of a bumblebee. 

one that has an attentional deficiency. 

i have plenty of plans to get off the ground. 

ideas for new pretty wearable metal bloomers

as well as some repurposing of vintage or downright antique elements.

chains, buttons, beads, buckles, tin-type photos, 

crystals, enamel brooches, sharks' teeth, 

rhinestones, rhinestone balls, 

cigar boxes, stamps,

leather, mother of pearl,

suede, metal

letterpress stamps, 

seashells,

lamps,

cupids

and many 

many 

many 

more

materials. 

i can't wait.

but wait, i must. 

two kids will be leaving for college from this address in the next two weeks.

 the last child left standing will be entering high school. 

she is the kid that all the parents at her older sister's school commented on. 

they can't believe tess is going to high school. 

they were also suspending confirmation of her having legs.

for the two years i carried her in to school to drop halley off, they were certain she had no tootsies or gams. 

she was in a sling. all cuddled up and near to my heart. 

now she talks. 

and 

talks. 

sometimes it is hard to believe how intimate our physical bonding experience was.

this is especially clear when there is a conversation from one room to another 

between the two of us 

at a loud volume.

not the same as it ever was. 

yet ...

it will be in that absolutely flexible to and fro condition.

the one  that is what composes a mother and daughter's 

diametrically thorny and love -filled relationship. 

graham will be taking the hair clippers to school with him. 

he enjoys his hair being carefully sculpted like a bonsai tree, as regularly as every 2.5 weeks. 

he will need a special suitcase for all of his personal products. 

hair products, face creams, underarm sticks, soaps for unending surfaces,

 clothing detergents, denture cleanser, 

retainers for his braces-free teeth,

brushes for teeth, his hair and his shoes; 

linens, pillows, blankets, towels, 

all sorts of personal detritus. 

it is going with him to his first new home. the one where he will sprout wingspan. 

i may look forward to the increased air volume  in the house 

as these elements move 5 1/2 hours away.

i shall miss every scented component of his maintenance products. 

this time of year is just so busy, 

if only in the process of making lists. 

however i shall be busily harvesting my own stuff as fast as i can. 

it all needs doing.

and yes, the animals need a nightly feeding again. 

xoxo. 

w.