day one of double nickels

there are loads of things i look forward to in life. 

one of them is the fluttery feeling in my abdomen as i prepare for yet another birthday. 

i LOVE my birthday. 

in a pretty private way. 

i do not like a huge fuss, but i love the special feeling that i get when it nears in date. 

i also love the sense of comaraderie that fellow leos  share with each other. 

we seem to not dabble, but expect a hella good time. 

and to be a revered just a little bit. 

that announcement that there were now 13 astrological signs, a few months back, held no court with me. 

total denial on my part. 

the thing i think is the most fun about the birthday, is that i sing in my head all day long on the following day. 

a little song that Paul Simon sang. 

it climbed the charts when i was a teenaged girl. 

"Yesterday was my birthday, hung another year on the line...

celebrating this, celebrating that, 

just having a good time..."

( I thought to look up the correct lyrics, but as i am now older and lazier, i plan to 

stick with the ones rolling around in my head. )

anyways, i had a spectacular day. 

my youngest beast, vogued around the house all day, while i prepped for today's 

open market in town. 

the boy worked at his job and then did errands with me culminating in a quick trip

to starbucks for a pretty pink lemonade with passion fruit tea. 

i can still introduce him to the things i enjoy. 

and my eldest, knowing how much i like eggplant, grilled some for me

with a balsamic vinaigrette  on it. 

this went with the garlic bread she made, 

the baked beans, 

home made cole slaw that is one of my husbands only foods he can make, 

and grilled chicken. 

they worked hard on this mix of foods for my appreciation. 

and then they topped it off with a pretty grocery store cake. 

they had my name iced onto it with a surround of pink and lime green icing. 

my fave colors most days. 

the only thing missing was the now family inspired and celebrated note on the cake. 

getting it iced on is sometimes a little hard to do. 

it is :

"happy fucking birthday!

fill in the right name of family member".

it all depends on who is at the supermarket bakery station.

their age, their sensibility, and if they will tempt fate for a little funsies. 

all in all this was a nice meal. 

then i had no dishes to wash. 

the dishes have been making me particularly irritable of late. 

since my daughter is working in food service, she no longer feels any obligation to do them at home any more. unless i ask on her day off. i can withstand those glares and eyerolls if i am careful and look like i mean business. 

the little girl here will do things if i insist, or she wants to do something and can trade skill for skill with me. usually i wind up driving her someplace and then paying for it. 

so recounting, 

no squabbling. 

no dishes. 

no cooking. 

all in all, pretty close to perfect. 

then i added in a pair of daniel craig movies back to back. 

who could resist him as a fan of James Bond ???

and the new movie,

Cowboys and Aliens

which opened on my special day, also has been really well reviewed. 

i plan to take this one in at the big screen movie-plex in town the next time it rains. 

i really want to see it. 

so i had a great day. 

thank yous go out to all griffins involved. 

as for today...

day 1 of being 55...

i was showing my jewelry wares at a local show in town. 

i had some sweet fresh earrings, 

to share, 

some new penny pendant necklaces and 

some other brooches and rings. 

it all felt very good. 

and there were the ladies that rock things in their own ways.

i love folks that will try on some necklaces and bracelets. 

my price tag for this is that i take their photos for my own fun and sharing. 

truly, i enjoy how nice these things look on real women. they make it all worth creating things for others. 

unfortunately, the heat of the day or the dodderiness of the day at this rarefied age is making me totally sleepy.
it may be that magic hour now...

i bid you adieu....
at least for now.

xoxo. 
W.

lauren bacall .... mashed potatoes

Lauren Bacall.

you know her, you love her.. that gorgeously slinky woman with the flinty yet sultry voice. 

she speaks volumes with so few words.

a careless sidelong toss of those utterances have stood the tests of time. 

or at least some lines written for movies have.
 she has immortalized them, regardless. 

the line that is sticking in my mind right now is:

"you know how to whistle, Steve...

just put your lips together and blow."

well this is my recipe for mashed potatoes...
 i put my thoughts into a mental blender and then mash in reality.
my mind tends to wander and go over things while i am cooking.
 sometimes it is for good, sometimes not.
i can truly work a problem out or worry it to death while cooking,
perhaps because i have been working with food freeform for so very, very long a time.
 with so many experiments.
and phone calls to my bff, i have had chances to think.
at least like a grown up for a few minutes in that day.

last night my son had a friend over around dinner time.

so i needed to feed everyone. 

and luckily for them, food shopping had just been accomplished the night before.

graham's friend is a nice kid... they met at work. 

they are so dorky together. 

they enjoy time playing video games and watching movies.
 this is as a couch potato counterpart to the overwhelming love of playing golf.

they would play every day if they could. 

{ at least i can enforce the use of a belt on the shorts worn for golfer tog etiquette, when golf is part of the day. 

i prefer this neater sartorial expression to that of mis-applied inner city stylings. the ones where large amounts of ass and undos  are found hanging out over pants and running is only achieved while holding that knob in the front }

the only thing i am a little concerned about is
 how much pizza they tend to consume when left to their own devices together.
 for heaven's sake, put a vegetable on that pie someday please???

he has half of my dna. 

and my people go to fat pretty fast. 

a long and tried history has immortalized this.
i find it hugely embarrassing. 

the griffins on the other hand, remain a slender lineage.
 however they do not eat for taste. they eat to survive.

 no real gustatory love there. 

so i assumed a invite to stay for dinner. 

i channeled Ms. Bacall.
she floated in and out of my thoughts as:

i washed, cut up potatoes, put them in the stock pot with salted water, boiled them til 

breaking apart tender.

and then

{i heard her whisper in my ear, "just mash".}

put my flea market found potato masher to the test. 

i test that loopy shaped, firm wire tool pretty often too. 

just squish the heck out of those drained spuds. 

press them until only the fewest lumps remain. 

before i start reformatting the potatoes into the puree,
i do add some olive oil, 

a little bit of salt and then i pepper it to the max. 

(some denizens prefer a little back-note of pepper and heat.
i like compliments, not whining so i do what history dictates. simple is good.)

the addition of the olive oil before smashing allows for the starch molecules to get a personal coating of oil, which is really neccesary. 

this helps significantly cut down on the gluey texture that can be achieved almost instantly. 

it is not silky to the mouth as mash ought to be if there is not olive oil party dress. 

then i add heated milk. 

{1 percent if i must divulge. it works very well too}

it is added a bit at a time until the potatoes are starting to have a soft texture 

and a little satiny sheen.

i serve them up with the rest of the meal, 

which needs to be heart healthy for my husband specifically 

and the rest of us generally. 

for us, i stick a really small lump of butter to melt into a puddle and stream over the delectable plated spud mountains. 

for chris, he gets a little bit o' olive oil drizzled on.

he is much better when not left out.  

last night i heard words i never ever in a million years thought i might. 

our guest said:

"no thank you. i do not like butter". 

he lives on pizzas, 

but will not eat butter? 

gasp!!!

as nice as he is, and as good a friend to my son as he is, 

i am on the fence about his potential for a return dinner engagement. 

no butter?

wow. 

so i put my lips together and blew softly. 

xo. 

W.

one at a time

the current temperatures,

have driven me inside.

inside of my little house with its sturdily working, yet cooling tiny air conditioner and my invaluable companion t.v. 

this aside, i was willing to brave the day and put myself on the line yesterday.

i could do this only with the help of my son.

he has been invaluable in the set up and break down for my show persona; 

that and his general ability to share his time and good company. 

i have been trying to appreciate this fully as he will be going to college in about a month. 

this is my second time through with a kid going to college. 

and this is as different as the children themselves.

the last time was last summer.

 its expression was bittersweet.

my daughter had no job to go to, nor had she neighborhood friends to spend time with.

her time was spent on a computer. 

no summer athletics, to include the joys of swimming, tennis or the fail-safe passive activity of sunning.

nothing but the glow of the family computer to fuel her deathly pallor 

and introverted personality.

eventually, she went to school...

and then she came home every damn weekend. 

the ability to enjoy separation anxiety was non-existent. 

her regular visits home were increasingly more fun as she unfolded her wings. 

 as i look forward to my son leaving for school,

 and the multi-pronged joys that his new experiences will yield...

 i have been making new jeweled compositions.

(yep, denial in full swing.)

i am driven to try to make fresh compositions.

reason one:

i need to help  to pay for these two 

fledglings and their starts into the "real world".

reason two:

it seems to distract me from the prospect of their departures.

reason three: 

i am trying to re-connect or create a "non-mom"

reality for myself.

reason four:

i need a little focus,

i need a garden,

i need to create,

i need to fill my time with something that is personally rewarding. 

i have felt so lost in my life at many times and the creative part of it, 

was always there to catch me when i fell. 

Providence Open Market is my freshly growing outlet for what i am trying to do. 

each week i have driven myself to try to make something new and cute.

(i hope!)

one week it was post earrings

(ignore the old bat crepey skin and grey hair... it is my own. 

and i try to ignore it all the time... )

another week it was enamel chain and flower necklaces plus bracelets.

i followed with flower necklaces and bracelets attached to silver chains.

then folks asked for brooches.

last week i was asked about some rings and hair related things.

 i got to making  some rings,

 but not the bobby pins

or the hair bands.
but i got to some fresh earrings.

next week, i fear, i need some fresh bold signature necklaces... in a big way.

and of course what i consider my bread and butter style necklaces.

this one got made while watching a special on
 John Lennon.
i never realized how special he really was. 
now i do. 
and yoko ono got a bad rap. 

this style was a very early foray into jewelry making, 

and have been a steadily popular member of my creative stable. 

unfortunately, i have slept this gorgeous day away.

so i did not make enough cause i was comatose.
i have the rest of the week though.

***

fresh from POM

{Providence Open Market}

(23 july 2011)

here are a few of the beautiful ladies who visited my world yesterday. 

they rocked the necklaces solidly. 

i am always giddy when i finish a necklace, but to have it look real, i need a model. 

these women unwittingly are able to show that reality 

in a way words never can. no matter how many of them i use.

this sweet gal visits this necklace weekly she told me.

 i was able to persuade her to try it on...

and yep, it totally fit her in every way possible.

there are two others who are interested in it, but i hope she snags it.

&

 this lovely woman rocked this multi-stranded piece and it was so her. 

she was a great model... in neck-ware and in life issues. 

(i complimented her on the little boy standing politely nearby... he was adorable. 

i wrongly thought he was her son, in fact he was her very sweet grandson. 

we are the same age, the woman and i, not her grandson and i)

"she said that ripe fruit was the tastiest"

... a proud nod to our fullness of age. 

&

this is katy. 

we met a week ago. 

she got married today. 

congratulations!!!

and her boyfriend of 10 years, is now her husband of a few hours. 

i wish her the very very best in this formalized union.

as she picked up her wedding necklace yesterday, 

she said she felt she had known me forever 

as had i of her. 

i hope we can stay in contact...

she was so well worth meeting and befriending. 

i am sure i can't say how many rewards i feel from this job i have. 

i really must clean house and make some new goodies... 

since next weekend is surely coming quickly.

but dinner will be first.

and 

fresh wearable bouquets will follow. 

AND

tonight i have something to look forward to... aurelio zen...

 the newest member of the PBS mystery series on Masterpiece Theater tonight. 

mmm. and his female counterpart is one of the Bond bad guy's wives from 

Casino Royale. 

oh eye candy for everyone... wrapped in a mystery and a love story. 

nothing is better. 

really. 

i swear. 

and pinky swear. 

so on to the pork chops, beans and rice! 

a feast for us all. 

xo.

W.

innies or outies?

nope, nothing to do with belly buttons. 

are you in or are you out? 

often enough i like to consider the reality based t.v. shows... Survivor is the one i go to first. 

our family has alliances, strategy plotting and silly little games to play,

 in and amongst ourselves. 

i find that there is a distinct similarity to the hi-jinx that i have seen played out on survivor. 

in this vein, 

i am sure that everyone thinks about their popularity at some time or another.

i know i do within the personalities of my house.

nowadays,  i am curious about who in the house is my buddy or not.

my husband, the top of this pyramid...

well he is a grump. 

i have no idea why. but i think i can turn his 'tude around. 

i am gonna pick up and clean our bedroom. 

a clutter free zone is achieved with the zen of big black plastic contractor trash bag. 

i think he will love this. 

and putting a smile on his curmudgeonly face is good. 

so i feel the potential for being on his inner circle is high. 

i will work on that today. 

the boy

is going golfing. 

this will make him way happy. 

his plan is to take the little one with him. 

she just is too precious for words these days, 

all snarky and smart assed.

i know i am on the in with these two. 

the boy got some sunglasses last weekend... which seemingly rock his world. 

he is the most metro-selectual critter i have ever known. 

the entire bathroom windowsill is filled with his clutter. 

i mean personal products.

the all graham shelf:
full tilt metrosexuality
in a bottle

not one, but several hair gels, 

some efferdent for his retainers, 

his retainers themselves, 

two kinds of mouthwash; one to kill anything within its reach, one to whiten teeth. 

also there is the acne stuff, 

shaving cream, 

razors, 

and other assorted crap. 

i no longer care. he likes to smell and look good.

this is a good thing.

the snarky little widget, also loves her sartorial experiments. 

she loves clothes and planning her outfits. 

it all works a lot better if she is fit and the clothes look good on her. 

she is growing by leaps and bounds this summer and will be requiring a freshly pressed new wardrobe in two months to start her high school experiences with.

right now she is determined to show me how defined her abs look 

after every set of sit-ups she does. 

and then there is the speed bag....

she and her brother take pics of their success on that piece of my husband's past. 

when i met him, he had been addicted to hitting the speed-bag.

(i threw clay and made pottery to keep my head on straight throughout high school). 

he hit the heavy bag and his pet speed-bag. 

pent up frustration

and 

release. 

the teen aged life... all throughout time. 

and then there is my eldest. 

testing all of the waters. 

and my tolerances. 

she uses tumblr. 

it is her fix for dealing with a combination of pics, blogging and then staying connected to her people. 

this collection of people is two fold. 

part one:

comic book geeks. 

part two:

anyone but me. 

i looked into her world on tumblr. 

i added my name as her follower. 

i was ironically her 200th follower, not her first. 

she pouted, which for her is a full on terrible argument. 

so i unfollowed her. 

how the hell does she have 200, i mean 199 groupies? 

sheesh!

she was really pissed off. 

she actually told my little one that she could not believe that we would intrude on her only and last private place. 

seriously?

(i should send the 199 special inductees, engraved congratulatory notes on toilet paper, since they have made the cut).

so i guess the issue of her being open to followers is limited to an exclusive club

only the  one single member uninvited should refrain from joining. 

ME.

she is on very thin ice. 

and it is really hot out. 

ok, so i am officially out with her. 

lets do the tally:

one potential in,

two definite ins 

and 

one definite out.

the dog is always my best buddy, so he skews all counts as an innie. 

in:4   out:1

i think i will be cooking for 4 and providing a bowl of kibble for the dog.

the last one better find one of the 199 to share her meal with. 

xo. 

W.

Hot, Hot, Hot....

cue the steel drums playing in the background. 

icy drinks playing in the foreground. 

trailing water droplets on the outside of the glasses.

cerulean blue waters. 

slow moving fans.

slow moving people.

 and 

yes

reality in the background. 

the joy that is the DMV.

my husband had a birthday. 

his license expired. 

it is joy all around.

he managed to leave the house and care for his legal needs.

me, i am hunkered in my established sofa real estate 

sitting with my dog 

sandwiched between the air conditioner and the box fan.

two kids are at work, in air conditioned climates. 

the third is hinting at me while sitting in her bathing suit, t-shirt and shorts

also in the bat-cave.

i am thinking perhaps, it ought to be called the clutter cave. 

or 

maybe the sparkle cave. 

so many little rhinestones and flowers to pop them into.

that is my joy today. 

yesterday was spent in the cave watching three movies.

back to back to back. 

bourne identity

sneakers

and

run, fat boy run. 

love me the movies. 

in this peaceful 

diet coke induced coma, 

i made a bridal necklace. 

my newest lady is just adorable. 

i met her at providence open market, 

last saturday with her fiance. 

they are planning to be married this sunday. 

(thanking the heavens, they will be tying the knot after the heat wave abates some.) 

she tried on a piece i already had made.

she took my card. 

we connected monday. 

we talked... and looked through my ali baba's basement studio space. 

she found some tiny enamel treasures to add to her ideal bridal cache.

she brought coral bead strands in several colors,

a plan for her ideal necklace, 

some even more special items... 

3 white based  enamel butterflies,

a small card of mother of pearl buttons from her grandfather,

and a timeline.

we agreed upon a pair of little pretty enamel flowery earrings. 

i will convert them from clips to post earrings in a few minutes. 

wahoo. 

as well as a triple-stranded coral necklace 

with a composition of the enamel bits worked in. 

her plan looked like this:

and after many hours playing with components, 

it all came to this. 

i truly hope she likes it. 

as it is almost as lovely as she is herself.

and in the spare moments, i made some more of my new fave fun necklaces. 

beady treasures with a lone dangling flower. 

if i get things in gear, i will make some rings and some fresh earrings. 

how i can manage this with my teen girl staring me down 

in her bathing suit... 

and dreaming of a big, big $.79 slurpee, will be a mystery. 

but i am gonna try to bribe her with anything i can. 

she has been remarkably patient. 

which i really like in a child. 

especially in a teenager.

xoxo. 

W. 

lost and found

today i was on my way to meet some ladies for lunch. 

i lost my phone. 

it took all day to find it. 

of course even with three teens looking, 

finallyi was the one to find it. 

they could not follow my insane thought passages enough to track that 

 essential piece of handheld technology.

i thrill to the idea that i am easy going

(i realize it is only in my own head, and in reality, i am likely considered high-strung)

and i like the idea that my usage of a phone is relaxed.

I am here to tell you that it is not.
on my way out of the house, i lost it.
i can't even to begin to say how enormously inconvenient that was.
in so many ways possible and more.

one of which was that i was quite late for a lunch with two of my fave ladies ever.
i couldn't even call them to tell them i was en route, because that was the root of the problem. 

i should be really embarrassed, 

but it is too far to go for what is right up front.  

my face telegraphs all of my emotions and baggage. 

if that doesn't share enough stuff that i would love to keep less public, 

then my mouth gets me into trouble.
too much of the way i live my life is just frustrating in loads of little tiny ways.
they add up and create a tangled mess.

i am a project in progress. 

sometimes i am around folks that are just so 

for a lack of a better word,

N.O.R.M.A.L.

i continue to wish to fit in. 

i continue to wish for some greater control of my personal informational flow. 

i continue to hope that i can rise to a better place. 

i continue to try to learn some more evolved social skills. 

it occurs to me as my personal anniversary nears, that i take stock of things like this annually. 

sometimes my assessments are better than others. 

it feels like a personal performance review for a job;

one that only i can create and apply to myself. 

i have felt really mean this week. 

and i have given myself room to apologize. 

however, i feel like there is always growing room to get it all right. 

and yes, this deeply affects how i move next. 

U.G.H.
(i may mean misstep next)

in the stretch between the apices of my clumsy moments, i am sure that i am given a lot of latitude by my friends and
 yes even the family that i love dearly and grouse about all too regularly.

 folks seem to be willing to shrug and say 

"oh that's just the artistic personality, wendy. you are fine."

i love them for that generosity.

but still i know that there is a little bit of white lying in the mix. 

protection of my very elephantine/rhinoceros-like 

being.

in my mind, i translate this to a big personality (that often needs some taming),
 i feel i am unnaturally slow moving,
 i gots a mammalian internal system,
 thick skin(some times),

 and delicate inner center
(if you think my emotional range exhausts you... imagine how i feel harnessing it) 

i could be wrong. 

who knows?

i sure don't.

so i offer to you a visual of  

 juxtaposition of colors and nodding to nature 

in flowery embellishments.
 perhaps they will represent my artistic nature,
at least better than my horrible mean streak has left me feeling all this week.

love and hugs...

W.

hot, cool, water, color.

hot and sweaty.

not from dancing the night away under a multi-tiled disco ball either. 

it is that time of life. 

personal overheating is in play. 

and if i am a very good girl, 

i will be soaking in a large, child-filled, pale aqua colored, watery

POOL

some time later today. 

i genuinely love water. 

for all of its personal merits, 

its surrounding of our land masses on mother earth 

and for all of its highly functioning housing contributions to our world.

(i am totally in love and always have been with tropical fishies... need i say more?)

i love its cerulean tropical blue tones to its deep, dark, inky, olivene green values.

i say this in part, since i need to go bead shopping. 

yep, you heard me accurately.

NEED.

so i really need some little brassy head pins and some flowery components, 

but i also need some pretty and new 

vintage old stock beads. 

i am on a fresh kick making necklaces with  beads that i have been hoarding for a nice long time. i forget sometimes that they are the backbone of my iconic (dare i say that?)

and lush floral necklaces.

"Pink Lemonade"

 "first love blooming"

" morning garden"

"farm stand glory I"

ok, i am going to claim a smattering of heat stroke in my less humble comments. 

i figure that you all will give me a little more room than usual for this. 

i am just too warm. 

i am sure to be drawn to the blues and green beads that are in storage, 

just waiting for my hands to grab hold of them. 

i have some serious plans to put them into chains. 

and then the chains will be moving on up to a better place than a dusty box. 

perhaps,they will be swagged and draped and pulled into groups for a tasseled effect.

all i know is i have been itching to go searching for them. 

the new style i am having a blast making features some unexpected color and texture combos. 

and if i am gonna be this explosive in my heated hell,

then everyone will be grateful for some 

colorized tones surrounding me to cool off my hot-headedness.

i am dreaming, but that is good too. 

lowering the blood pressure. 

and 

resting up for my big show adventure. 

i am going to block island. 

a mini work convention and a mini holiday all in one place! 

can't wait. 

now where did i put that bain de soleil sunblock

and my puka shells?

xo.

W.

sweet nothings...overdue

if you are new to my blogging,  you may be ridiculously disappointed. 

now is when you should close this window to avoid that inevitability.

this is a commentary on my ordinary life. 

and some of the nothingness that is filling it up. 

i "grew up" in the age of seinfeld. 

you know, the show about NOTHING. 

well here i am with nothing to really say. 

the days have sped by, as i have been working to make jewelry for shows. 

and really, nothing has happened that is genuinely noteworthy.

(except my newest style of necklace)

during this period, 

i have acknowledged that my temper is a very moody thing with its own machinery and timeline.

i laugh at some things and shake my head at others. 

and then i regretfully flip out and rant at a lot of quirky stuff that

 i really have no right to let get under my skin. 

here is a smattering of the crazy nothings in my craw:

1} driving in rhode island... with a tip of the hat to massachusetts.

this deserves a multi-pronged approach.

a} motorcyclists... i was driving behind a nervous neophyte motor-head yesterday.

 he was hogging the road and going extra slowly. 

he seemed really uncomfortable to the newness of his skills and was being uber careful. 

not that i have ANY objection to slow riding or to careful driving...

'cause there isn't enough of that on any given day. 

BUT, it just seems as a normal precautionary effort  to consider a helmet. 

my thoughts run to using dull kitchen knives.

 use them at your own risk. 

they tend to be poor cutters on food, but on your fingers when they slip, oh boy. 

bad news. 

so if you are a new motorcyclist with unreliable skills, and an affection for living, use a helmet. 

your family and other motorists will thank you. 

b} if you are on a highway road... one where the speed limit is posted at 50 and up, 

do not cut across 3 lanes to take an exit. 

just wait, or even better, plan your exit strategy in advance with some care for others on the road. 

i am sure to keep my sputtering to a minimum this way. 

that is if you care. 

c} if you are old, consider the right hand lane. 

i border on this age issue and prefer to not hang up other drivers.

 driving the speed limit or less is preferred in this lane.

not everyone feels the same way that you do. 

as a group of roadsters, i have some bias against taxi drivers, tow-jockeys and largish trucks. 

they tend to tailgate to nudge slower drivers out of their way. 

it is scary to see them hanging on your bumper when you are uncomfortable going beyond the posted speed. 

their aggressions can cause you to panic and make an unfortunate driving maneuver. 

i try to stick to what ordinarily will weed them out of my sphere of traveling. 

it helps. 

if you are in doubt, i have many more rants on the topic of driving. 

 i do not want to clutter your mental in-box with these.

i reserve the right to do this at any later date. 

2} if you are asked by your mother to plug in her phone to recharge it, 

it is more successful if you plug both ends of the charging device in. 

i say this 'cause my darling 3rd child was asked to perform this task.

she neglected to plug the charger into the outlet. 

this led to a disconnection from an important call that i had been waiting for.

ugh, no one likes  low  power in their phones or their lives. 

this one i laughed at,

 since she even likes to reflect on her ambient blonde moments. 

3} i just do not like change. 

everyone who knows me at all, knows this. 

i realize it is pathetic, but it is one of my many eccentricities. 

if i am planning on something, and it changes, i need more than one minute to 

think about things and get ok with it.

i like the act of rationalizing ... and coming into a rest stop of personal comfort, ie acceptance. 

i have been putting out fires for so long, that i have little stability to rely upon. 

usually, these points are the very small ones that are most troublesome to react properly with. 

in this, i prefer finding a small place to start rebuilding  my comfort area from. 

my efforts revolve around being  more stable than not.

i tend to think that i rely on this more heavily than most do.

as i express my neurotic inner creamy center,

 i find, that everyone has this stuff to deal with. 

i am not alone.  

and i think that this is good for connecting with others. 

in the immortal words of popeye the sailor man:

 "i am what i am". 

or is it

 "i yam what i yam"?

4} when it is over 90 degrees in my house, i do not enjoy baking. 

or more specifically, the heat that my professional oven throws. 

in fact, this is a smart looking stove/oven in a stainless steel finish.

i paid for it one scone at a time...

it does not have the cute appearance of and insulation of a commercial looking stove. 

it is the really is a "mccoy". 

uh, i mean a VULCAN.

(thinking of that hunky roman god of fire and forge, pounding metal into desired shaping).

i can put 4 half trays of cookies, or two full pans

or 6 cakes in to bake at one time. 

it takes a while for all this heat to dissipate.

one pan of brownies for my family, 

is not as good as efficient a project as one might like. 

even if they are manna from heaven. 

the excessive heat that is created and thrown  at this time in my life, is mind boggling. 

this week, there are some tasty blueberry pies on sale at whole foods. 

...just saying. 

5} if you are gonna throw a tantrum my way, 

i am going to respond in kind. 

if your garage is cluttered as hell, and disorganized to boot, my additions will not 

create more discord. 

and later if you throw a tantrum, 

you better fix something in the house or 

APOLOGIZE 

for your inane lack of reason. 

i will laugh at that and forget about my ire. 

otherwise, an already long vendetta will be elongated. 

again, i am what i am. 

6} if you are dependent upon as assist from me, please give me notice. 

i like that. 

if gas in my car is required AND a timeliness are part of the package, 

notice is really appreciated.

7} if you have an excess of gorgeous cucumbers from your back yard garden, 

that you are going to share, 

i am gonna thank you. 

but

 you better be ready for that thank you to come in the way of earrings. 

8} if the depth of crap on your bedroom floor exceeds one layer, 

you better be ready for some complaints. 

if it reaches this level of ugliness, 

you better be ready for some trash bags. 

9} would it be considered lazy to do takeout every other night?

10} how does one tell a pal delicately, that you have some issues with communicating with them?

i found recently that i responded to a couple of  situations with uncharacteristic dryness . 
it was self preservation. 
my dryness was interpreted as rudeness. 
so much irony there, it is hard to know how to deal with that.

diplomacy and delicacy in response is not  recognized. 

nuances will be missed should i try to use them. 

both recipients of said dryness were hurt and reacted very poorly.

yes, i have needed external counsel on how to approach this. 

and that is, you can't do anything to get through. so get a grip and carry on, knowing that this is the case. 

both of these women are loyal to a fault and kind to their inner fibers. 

yet... i struggle with their lack of perspective. 

as it has been said, life is a work in progress. 

perhaps i can just not let them get to me 

and keep my snappishness in check. 

i can hope right?

in a karmic sense of balance,

 i was the rude person that intruded upon a luncheon date of two of my favorite ladies. 

graciously, they neither kicked me out from their date,

 nor complained 

one single syllable

about their 

ongoing health issues or the fact that i had inserted myself into their private time. 

i love you sheri and susan. 

ad infinitum. 
and then even more so. 

someday when i get a grip on how my life of nothingness is quite manageable 

i may have a way to react to some of it as you would.

thank you for visiting.

and now back to trying to manage some sweet nothings 

on this superlatively pretty day.

xoxo. 

W.