Monday, July 11, 2011

marriage and astrology

living in this committed relationship with my husband is much like roller-skating on marbles. 
slippery, sliding, hard, round, rolling, pretty to look at, very hard to get well balanced on,hard as heck to find your proper perch, yet consistent. 

he is astrologically a cancer through and through. 
i do not want to insult anyone, but he is a very mercurial critter... which i understand is a common characteristic of most cancer born. 
i am a leo. 
i do not need to go into any part of that at this time. 
let me just say, i think i rule this house. 
but as with any fire, water will put it out eventually. 
damn damn damn it.

chris is on a hunt for the ever lasting, ever lost, piece of paper that he should have had his eye on since may.
if you are clever with a calendar, that was months ago. 
nearly 3 months of them if you are keeping track.  
needless to say, his faithful employee has been designated (a little harshly i may add) to search it out. 
tease its very existence out of hiding, and into his very sweaty 
slightly more than lightly unhinged
we need a better mail delivery system here. maybe i mean acceptance system instead.
i am often home when it is delivered by our very feisty mail lady, another Chris
i get the mail daily and i look at it, 
open it, 
discard what is useless asap, 
store what i need to pursue at  a later time,  in a concentrated place. 
eventually, this all comes together. 

the problem is that we of this house do not like to really deal with commitments. 
nor do we deal in the same way. 
nothing is consistent from inmate to inmate. 
i  know, it is not unusual. 
however, it is rampant. 
it is passive aggressive. 
it is chaotic. 
sometimes, it is lucky. 
i am hopeful , truly hopeful that this is gonna be one of those lucky times. 
(two hours and a tall kitchen hefty bag filled with paper crap from my area  later... i found the important papers. they were third down on the kitchen table. who would have looked there?)

we all have our issues here, but real estate and storage top my list. 
and yes commitment. 
for example...
the family is locust like. 
the kids and husband will denude a filled refrigerator in one day. 
i find i go to the market on an every 3 day cycle. 
my hard earned money comes and goes in fits and spurts, 
so i can only spend around $125. at a time. 
if i do the math, it comes out to $1,250. per month. 
$15,000 per annum. 
this is just a guestimate of course. 
and we eat a lot of beans here. rice too. 
on  of us are on the all heart healthy diet...
even if we are not ones having a history of a heart attack.
also, we have very different criteria for everything. 
(my daughter saved about a half cup of rice the other night. a side component to that night's  meal.   i had made some stove top barbecue  with breast of chicken cooked in. the chicken was by then all eaten . yet the sauce had some life in it and i was looking forward to that greatly!
she threw out the twice cooked sauce to my utter dismay. keeping a few forks full of rice that will take more energy to reheat than to replace by making enough for all to eat.

consider my hands thrown  high into the air in frustration here!)

i have practice living on 
 a big bag of chips, some hamburger meat, 
good coffee, a gallon of milk, a loaf of crusty bread,  sugar for my coffee and a big box of cereal. 
this can cover my gustatory needs for about a week. 
lets see, if i add it up, it comes  to about $40.ish.
  if i were willing to commit to doing that math which i find i am now. 
since i am just too curious about the outcome i did  do the math to establish that i eat about 13.44% of the budgeted food purchases. 
like i've said,  it would last me about a week. 
i know this cause they all go on vacation each summer and i stay home to do my own things.
and this is what i buy for myself.
what can i say, i am a cheap date. 

(by the way they go camping. and i truly HATE camping. )
(i wind up doing even more work, thus this is even less of a vacation for me.  )
(food, purchasing and storing)
(pans, forks, plates, bottles, washing up stuff, spoons, roadmap to nearest starbucks... for me)
(making fires... i was the grilling and fire making kid at home for nightly barbecues.
is any of this worthy of a mention the next time i need a resume? or at my ingress interview for the old folks home? i have the hair for it these days and the spots on my clothing too.)

digression semi-complete.
 i assume as you must also, that there are others coming down the pike. 

back to the point i think i was trying to make. 
no one here likes to commit to eating all of one thing. 
also there is constant clutter. 
loads of little almost used up items. kept for unknown reasons. 
none of these things ever replaced into what passes as storage either. 
thats cause we have NO shelves in cabinets or doors on the same cabinets to hide things.
we are 5 people and a dog... more storage needs and less storage abilities.
sorting, tossing, folding, etc. are completely foreign to everyone. 

the husband of many moods seems to have some very noticeable quirks. 
as most of my observations include food, this is one in that category. 
he likes to leave little ends of things. 
i have in self defense, tried to corral some. 
if there is just enough chips in the bag, and they are all very broken up, and if measured they may come to 1/3 of a cup... well that would be what i consider a"Griffin-Portion".
if there was only half a bowl of cereal left in the box... it would be a griffin portion as well. 
if there were only two mouthfuls of breast meat on a store-bought chicken, 
you may sense a rhythm here...
it would be a griffin portion. 
two overly crystalized spoons full of ghastly flavored ice cream 
left to waste space stored on the freezer door....yep. another griffin portion. 
here is the bunch of sleeves of things i put into a bowl yesterday, since all the wrappers were strewn through the kitchen. they were cluttering my visual OM. 
badly too. 

a loaf of bread... griffin style.
 5 sleeves of edibles.
 clutter , clutter, and more clutter.
 real estate reclaimed. 

let me just say, baker's (my people) are not wasters so much, but we are omnivores. 
we eat everything. and there is none of this griffin portion shit. 
if we can see the end of a bag, we finish the hell out of it. 
no crumbs, salty pile-ups and tightly rolled potato chip bags for us. 
it is either a good amount 
or nada. 

our family had dinner with friends of ours last year. we like doing this more than we can organize. 
i was led to the freedom of yet another wildly ingenious solution. 
my dear and lovely friend ellen taught me something unbelievably important at one of these events. 
if there really is not enough to store for a real portion or satisfying snack. 

Just Throw the bag or container away. 


when i feel crusty and grouchy, i get my giggle on and toss an offending container away now. 
i am the only one benefitting from this... but that is good right?

anyways, it is that special time in today's to-do list. 
find the lost form and fill it out. 
infuriatingly, NOTHING has changed.
yet i will be spending hours looking for it. 
hopefully finding it. 
filling it out. 
and delivering it to memsahib. 
he is after all to be obeyed. 
ok, all snarkiness aside, it is easier to let him have the joy of submitting this annual 
form driven nonsense to the powers that be. 
he likes feeling like he keeps us afloat. 
if he were remotely organized, all this would have been dispensed with in May, as i asked 
for it to be. 
i walk gingerly on eggshells or 
skate on marbles. 
whichever lets me escape the wrath of Cancer and lets him feel good. 
like i said, marriage... 
a tough act. 


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