Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Summer Survival Notes

i am thrilled to say, the boy, his ghost teeth, his attitude and all else related
 to his wisdom tooth extraction are doing well. 
day one of recuperation is nearly completed. 

as for me, on the "all-me-channel"...
i too am recuperating too.

i have a college aged daughter. if you read this blog at all, this is not news. 
what is also not news,
 is that children who have had their freshman year of school dispensed with, 
are a pain in the ass. 

i try not to cuss here, but it just needs to be said. 
they are all anxious the summer before college begins,
full of snarkiness and general
bad behavior. 
i understand... it is often the first time that they get to be on their own.
to explore their needs to be free of familial rules and regulations;
parental expectations; 
seeing their high school friends with the same context for the last time...
it overwhelms them. 
truly, i understand this. 

i am not amused by my child who is now going to be a sophomore. 
she came home from school early, as it has three semesters and a co-op structure. 
they have shortened academic periods as the result. 
this allowed for extra "halley-time" here. 
it also provided a narrow, yet harvestable edge to get a summer job. 
it took weeks to succeed with this. 
mostly, because job applications are on line.
no one pounds the pavement looking anymore.
 they are discouraged to do so by the application process itself. 
fortunately she snagged an interview and was hired. 

her job is in food service. 
the only other thing to match this social experiment, is an entry level job in sales with commissions. 
learning to deal with the public is elating and humbling at the same time. 
i started doing this when i was 14 years old. 
my husband did his first stint pumping gas when he was 15. 
we know what people are like when they have their hard earned cash and they want to part with it or not. 
after many years, not only do we both know what it is like to work for someone else, 
but to also to create work for ourselves as self employed artisans. 
this may be the hardest of the hard, since you are out on a limb all the time. 
in other words, without structure and support that can be managed by more than just you. 

i personally would not have it any other way... 
but i am a different breed. 
my daughter needs to have folks complain to her. 
she needs to have to re-do some menial task to another person's criteria.
she needs to be out of her very narrow comfort zone. 
she needs to be accountable to anyone and everyone else's requirements. 
i like the rest of the world supporting what i have tried to tell her for a long time.
i also like that she needs to respect other standards. 
i feel a tiny bit of weight off of my shoulders. 
i imagine it feels like a relay runner does when they pass their baton to the next runner. 

thank you au bon pain. 
i appreciate that you are helping to teach her now. 

also, i am pretty happy that she has made it through 5....
count them....
FIVE interviews 
at Nordstroms. 
if only, they would hire her. 
i think she would love this job if offered and be able to hone her nascent skills some more.
it would be great... since there is a Nordstroms as well as an Au Bon Pain within
walking distance from her school. 
she could keep some work relationship with two great jobs through holiday and summer seasons, 
as well as  during the school year. 
she has a school job as part of her requirements there. 

all of this is based on the fact that she survives my ire this summer. 
she is unaware that my attitude includes the following.
1} if you want to eat here, you eat what i make or contribute to the cooking schedule,ingredient selection, purchasing and a good cooking attitude. 
2} if you want to go somewhere, further than walking can accommodate, consider looking up  a bus schedule. use the bus. do not ask if it is ok. or if you can have a ride. 
just do it. 
independence is earned, not given a permission slip. 
3} occasionally offer to pay for something. 
gas for the daily pick up and drop off is a nice starting point. 
busses and trains require tickets. 
i am considering the same. 
4} do not refuse actual conversation. 
if it doesn't include your own personal needs, like a ride, a meal, a trip out with your friends... 
consider asking some other member of your family how their day was.
5} probably the most important part of this is  a response to the statement she made: 
"the best part of college is being able to eat ice cream for dinner and stay out til 4 a.m."
this has a two part response from me and my husband. 
A} my response is that i cannot tell you how to spend your time. or force you to ask my permission to do stuff that you would be doing on your own if you were not here. 
B}my husband said upon hearing this, that her skin and body were showing the results of such activities. 

i think we both will go with :
Make good decisions ... your life does depend upon them. 
i can't tell you what they are... you are becoming an adult.
 so you must make them yourself. 
be safe. 
be smart.
be the best you can be. 
be safe. 

right now, the only unsafe thing in her world is ME. 
i may go postal yet. 
yesterday, i told her to find another place to live next summer. 
i didn't mean it. 
but i do want to be respected somewhat and treated as more than just a convenient way-station in her life. 
just a little respect please? 

being a mother is the hardest job i have ever had. 
i need not say anything more, since you all know what that means. 

thank you for the visit.
it is well appreciated. 


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